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The-simpsons

Honey, Grandpa is the closest thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!?

Homer

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer

Bart's usually first in line for taco night, but now he's muy tarde. Is it alright to say tarde?

Marge

Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.
Marge: I don't have any diamonds.
Homer: Quit pressuring me!

If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well.

Homer

Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.
Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

Marge: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious.
Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right?

Todd: We took the pledge.
Rod: We won't have sex until we're married.
Todd: To each other.

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

Ned

Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes.

Burns

Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?
Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?
Lisa: Not to.

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Simpson, there;s going to be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours.

Nelson
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 3399 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

"No one ever told me I mattered before."

Meg

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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