Homer: Permission to moan?
Judge Harm: I'll allow it.
(Homer makes a loud and long moan.)

I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, "Dude, don't worry about it, I got this."


Accountant: Three subscriptions to Vanity Fair?
Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?

(Bart and Lisa are playing Ping Pong.)
Bart: Ping.
Lisa: Pong.
Bart: Ping.
Lisa: Pong.

Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.

Selma: Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
Grampa: Slow down you hussie!

Build a fart, I love it! (Laughs hard)


Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

(about nursing home) This place is way too expensive. I saw you doing a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle!


Homer: Okay everyone ahead is my big surprise!
(Bart, Lisa, and Marge fall down the stairs.)
Homer: Watch out for the stairs.

Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?


The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(reading his poem)
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.


(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.