Homer: Permission to moan?
Judge Harm: I'll allow it.
(Homer makes a loud and long moan.)

I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, "Dude, don't worry about it, I got this."


Accountant: Three subscriptions to Vanity Fair?
Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?

(Bart and Lisa are playing Ping Pong.)
Bart: Ping.
Lisa: Pong.
Bart: Ping.
Lisa: Pong.

Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.

Selma: Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
Grampa: Slow down you hussie!

Build a fart, I love it! (Laughs hard)


Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

(about nursing home) This place is way too expensive. I saw you doing a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle!


Homer: Okay everyone ahead is my big surprise!
(Bart, Lisa, and Marge fall down the stairs.)
Homer: Watch out for the stairs.

Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?


The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(reading his poem)
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.


My arm! It hurts where the tiger's biting it!