Build a fart, I love it! (Laughs hard)


Accountant: Three subscriptions to Vanity Fair?
Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

(about nursing home) This place is way too expensive. I saw you doing a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle!


Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?


Lisa: Nelson, you came to help us in our time of need.
(Nelson jumps off the fort.)
Nelson: HA! HA!

Selma: For some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe it's the bang up job he did raising you.
Homer: He was a great Dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!

Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!

(To Selma in their honeymoon suite) Now to do something I've been looking forward to my whole wedding day. (Abe takes off his shoes.) Oh, I'm glad I waited.


Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.

Marge: Homie, you woke up early?
Homer: Stumbled home at dawn, same diff.

Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(reading his poem)
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.


(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.