The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes (Page 14)

Season 18 Episode 8: "The Haw-Hawed Couple"

Lisa: Mom, Bart's drinking coffee!
Bart: It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nelson: I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. Hey gas ball! You suck!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: They killed Graystache!
Guy: Thanks for the spoiler, big mouth!
(Throws book at Homer)
 • Rating: Unrated

Nelson: Here, take this. (Hands Bart an oxygen tank)
Bart: Where'd you get this?
Nelson: Off some dude.
(We see a dead scuba diver)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart is staring at Nelson's vest in care, when Nelson rides by on his bike.)
Nelson: Ha, Ha! I touched your heart!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Milhouse: Trust me Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Bartholomew J. Simpson! How can you be so mean?
Bart: What can you do about it?
(She whacks him on the head with a spoon.)
Bart: Hey!
Marge: I'll whack you with the whole salad set if you don't start thinking about others!
 • Rating: Unrated

Nelson: Bart where are you going? I saved you a seat, best friend.
Lisa: Ha-ha!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (Tucking Lisa into bed) Okay. Tucked in tight, glass of water, night light on, no barn owls, don't do drugs, love you, good night!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Where is Nelson?
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Bart: What?!
Skinner: Never woke up because he never passed out -- he's right over there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: No man should have to out live his fictional wizard! (sobs)
 • Rating: Unrated

Martin: Individually we are weak, like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot.
Bart: Well said!
(After Martin's line, a title appears: faggot (fag et) n. a bundle of sticks for fuel. [Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Greystache: Moustache power, activate!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Time to do what I do best: Lie to a child.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 18 Episode 7: "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"

Krusty: Hey, I do more than TV! I had a one-man show on Broadway. That's who showed up, one man. (laughs) Long story short, I won a Drama Desk Award.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer reassures Marge that he will make it home in time for her art show.)
Homer: I would never let you down. Our marriage is like soft-serve ice cream. And trust is the hard chocolate shell that keeps it from melting onto our carpet. In "cone-clusion," here's the scoop: I love you.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer has managed to ruin all of Marge's handmade sculptures. Marge has finally had it and let's Homer know it.)
Homer: Well excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: MARGE! Where are you? Did you change your name? Is it Kelly? KELLY!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Marge has hand-sculpted a towering image of Homer, complete with his trademark tidy-whities as a tribute to her husband for all to see. As it is publicly unveiled, we hear Homer's surprised remark)
Homer: Wow, you made a sculpture of Magilla Gorilla!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Honey, I brought you more sticks. (Homer drops a sack of popsicle-sticks on the bedroom floor). This is the most fun I've ever had giving you wood.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "The Simpsons" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!