The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Moe

It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.

Homer

Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.

Krusty

Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)

(about Homer) He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.

Ned

Marge: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years that's gotta be Homer.
Homer: Marge, baby, I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest!
(he opens his shirt to reveal a skull with Marge's hairdo)
Homer: They had a sale on skulls.

(Bart and Lisa ride dolphins)
Bart: Mine has a cup holder!
Lisa: That's a blowhole!
Bart: You're a blowhole!

Homer: I do open-casket caricatures. (looking at a man in a casket) Did he have any hobbies?
Widow: Get out of here!

Manure for sale!

Homer

Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.

Minister: So how many brides are you marrying today, Mr. Simpson?
Bart: Just one.
Minister: (scoffs) What are you, gay?

Darcy: You look kind of young.
Bart: Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 374 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!

Did someone say snack?

Homer