My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Moe

It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.

Homer

Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.

Krusty

Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)

(about Homer) He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.

Ned

Marge: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years that's gotta be Homer.
Homer: Marge, baby, I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest!
(he opens his shirt to reveal a skull with Marge's hairdo)
Homer: They had a sale on skulls.

(Bart and Lisa ride dolphins)
Bart: Mine has a cup holder!
Lisa: That's a blowhole!
Bart: You're a blowhole!

Homer: I do open-casket caricatures. (looking at a man in a casket) Did he have any hobbies?
Widow: Get out of here!

Manure for sale!

Homer

Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.

Minister: So how many brides are you marrying today, Mr. Simpson?
Bart: Just one.
Minister: (scoffs) What are you, gay?

Darcy: You look kind of young.
Bart: Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(reading his poem)
There once was a rapping tomato,
That's right I said rapping tomato,
He rapped all day from April to May,
And also guess what, it was me.

Homer

(to Marge about her Internet surfing success) I'm proud of you, Mom! You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you.

Lisa