The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 19 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 19 Episode 5: "Treehouse of Horror XVIII"

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Marge pulls a bloody machete out of the dishwasher.)
Marge: Hmm. You just can't get Russian gangster blood out. Must be something they eat.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Heck House" Bart dispenses a little "wisdom".)
Bart: "Trick or Treat" isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like The Lord's Prayer. It's an oral contract!
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Chief Wiggum shows up while Marge and Homer are in the midst of trying to kill each other.)
Chief Wiggum: We got a complaint from an anonymous "neighborino" about an elaborately choreographed, high octane, ultra-fight.
(Marge shoots Chief Wiggum through the chest with a crossbow.)
Chief Wiggum: I would have taken a bribe. (Collapses on the floor.)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Marge serves Homer dinner.)
Marge: Homie, I made you my killer lasagna.
Homer's Brain: It's poison. Whatever you do, don't eat it.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it.
(Homer finishes the lasagna.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for--
Homer: Seconds, please.
Homer's Brain: You moron! Just kill her!
Homer: I'll kill her after dessert!
(Marge reaches into a pie on the table and pulls out two handguns, while Homer quickly produces a shotgun.)
Marge: You're a killer for hire!
Homer: You ruined that pie!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer prepares to assassinate Kent Brockman using a sniper rifle.)
Homer: Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. (Thinks) Oh, that's a perfect one. But I don't need to say it out loud 'cause I'm by myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "E.T. Go Home" Bart shows Kodos his bedroom.)
Bart: So, this is my Krusty doll, Funzo, Linguo, Iraq War Sergeant Activity with insufficient armor, Phonic Frog, cat skull, Jim Halterman bobble head doll. He's a local car dealer.
(Kodos grabs the bobble head doll.)
Kodos: Hmm. Do all humans have such weak necks, or just the one you call "Jim Halterman"?
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer and Marge both shoot Principal Skinner.)
Principal Skinner: (Dying) Remember me... on pizza... Fridays.
Homer: No!
 • Rating: Unrated

(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer is talking to Mr. Burns via satellite.)
Mr. Burns: Greetings, 241.
Homer: Why does he always bring up my weight?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned Flanders: That concludes our Halloween show for this year. I just wanna say that for those watching this network, you're all going to Hell and that includes FX, Fox Sports, and our newest devil's portal, The Wall Street Journal. Welcome to the club!
 • Rating: Unrated

(From "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson.")
Marge: All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, you were out killing people?!
Homer: I was out getting drunk, then killing people!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: I can't believe that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad.
Marge: Hmm, I guess you should judge a book by its cover.
Secret Agent: Definitely! Especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover, it usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 19 Episode 4: "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"

(Marge watches the prison movie "A Kiss Before Frying" on Couch Potato Theater.)
Priest: It's almost midnight. They'll be coming soon, Johnny. Coming to take you to the electric chair.
Johnny Stabbo: I ain't afraid of old sparky, the hot seat, the kilowatt couch, the death davenport, the electric lap, the crook cooker, the scorch stool!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted Nugent: Hello, this is Ted Nugent, the Motor City Madman, urging you to vote no on Proposition 87. If we outlaw crossbows in our public schools, who's gonna protect our children from charging elk? Thank you for your time, and as always--(Shouting) I say Wango! I say Tango!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Snake: (to Gloria) Hey, baby. Listen carefully. Someone's been editing my biography on Wikipedia. I want you to kill him.
 • Rating: Unrated

(During the hostage situation, Officer Eddie rushes a package to Chief Wiggum)
Chief Wiggum: Finally, the help we need--a DVD of The Negotiator.
(Chief Wiggum places the DVD into a portable DVD player.)
Chief Wiggum: Hmm, hmm. Which chapter should we skip to? "Meet Danny Roman," "Trouble Brewing," "Off the Case," "My Baby's In There," "Enter Niebaum," "Take the Shot," "Sabian's Choice," Check and Mate," "Friends at Last," "Closing Credits"?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: (to Hostages) Okay, this isn't the way I planned it, but you can make it out alive as long as there's no funny stuff.
Krusty the Clown: Don't worry about me. I was voted America's least funny clown. Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo, Oopsie, Carlos Mencia, Stinko, Blumpy. Even worse than Sergeant Serious! How could I do worse than him?! I stole all his jokes!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day. And you have to come sober!
Homer: American sober or Irish sober?
Marge: Point zero eight sober.
Homer: Point one five.
Marge: Point zero nine.
Homer: Point one oh, with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
Marge: (Groans) Deal.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: You have to be there! You missed way too many precious moments in the childrens' lives.
Homer: What?! Name twelve!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 19 Episode 3: "Midnight Towboy"

Marge: Bart, I'm starting to worry about your father.
Bart: Well, I know he seems to get dumber every year, but lately he's plateaued.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart uses an exact-o knife to extract the word "whore" from the Bible and he pins it up on his bulletin board along with a few others.)
Bart: We can say these swears anytime we want because they're in the Bible!
Milhouse: I don't think "Leviticus" is a swear.
Bart: Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore!
 • Rating: Unrated

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