The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 20 Quotes
Homer: How many times must I say I'm sorry?
Marge: You haven't said you're sorry.
Homer: I know. I was hoping the number would be zero.
(After several appliances transform into robots in the kitchen)
Homer: Hmmm. Is there something different about the kitchen?
Robots: (speaking together and waving their hands) No, no, no, no, no.
(The toaster transforms into the word "NO")
Homer: Well, the toaster's never lied to me before.
This doesn't happen in America! Maybe in Ohio--but not America!
Homer
(From "It's the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse")
Millhouse: Who wants to sing pumpkin carols?!
Nelson: I got a pumpkin carol for you! (clears throat, singing to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas") You are such a stupid moron! It makes people want to punch you! The Grand Pumpkin's super gaaaaaay! Punch, punch, punch, punch, wedgie!
(Nelson gives Milhouse four punches and a wedgie)
(after getting shot) I always thought I'd die of hepatitis!
Chief Wiggum
Nelson: Touch me and I'll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That's a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: You're a racist!
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is that I admit it. (starts eating Nelson)
Nelson: I'd rather die than hate!
(Bart marvels at the things in Simon's bedroom.)
Bart: Wow, cool poster of Joe Montana.
Joe Montana: (steps out of the wall) It's not a poster.
(Bart screams)
Joe Montana: I'm the real deal. Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame. Did you know the words "Notre Dame" are French, but the team is the Fighting Irish? That's the kind of thing I think about in here.
Bart: Back in the poster, gabby.
Joe Montana: Yes, sir.
Homer: You just cost me $200,000!
Bart: I thought it was 50.
Homer: I was gonna bet it on the dogs!
(Chief Wiggum takes care of the robot vacuum cleaners gone wild.)
Chief Wiggum: These innocent robots-- (shoots one) --couldn't have done this on their own-- (shoots another) --someone would have to turn them all on at once-- (shoots another) --and then set them on some kind of malevolent sentience.
(Picks one up and examines a switch that reads "On", "Off" and "Malevolent Sentience" with the switch turned to the latter.)
Chief Wiggum: Yep, there it is.
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I think I have a crush on your new sister.
Bart: You had a crush on my old sister.
Milhouse: Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen.
(falling off a ski lift) Aw, c'mon gravity! You used to be cool.
Homer
Oh my, God. Simon set me up. And all this time I thought he wanted the life of a stranger he met in the bathroom.
Bart
