The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 20 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 20 Episode 3: "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"

(Chief Wiggum takes care of the robot vacuum cleaners gone wild.)
Chief Wiggum: These innocent robots-- (shoots one) --couldn't have done this on their own-- (shoots another) --someone would have to turn them all on at once-- (shoots another) --and then set them on some kind of malevolent sentience.
(Picks one up and examines a switch that reads "On", "Off" and "Malevolent Sentience" with the switch turned to the latter.)
Chief Wiggum: Yep, there it is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (falling off a ski lift) Aw, c'mon gravity! You used to be cool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Oh my, God. Simon set me up. And all this time I thought he wanted the life of a stranger he met in the bathroom.
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I think I have a crush on your new sister.
Bart: You had a crush on my old sister.
Milhouse: Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Stupid grocery list, making food into work.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 2: "Lost Verizon"

Marge: Son, we can't afford to get you a cell phone. As it is, I'm buying frozen peas in installments.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Bart, how did you get a cell phone?
Bart: The same way you got me. By accident, on a golf course.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Dr. Hibbert gives Bart money after retrieving his golf ball.)
Bart: A dollar? What for?
Dr. Hibbert: It's the least I could do. These balls cost five dollars new.
Bart: So I can get a dollar for every ball I find? Then if a cell phone costs $100, how many balls do I need?
Dr. Hibbert: (speaking aside to Dr. Riviera, his caddy) This is why my kids go to private school. (Laughs)
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: (seeing what her parents are up to) Tracking software? (gasps) You're spying on Bart!
Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
Moe: (Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement) That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. (Laughs) Soon, you'll be mine.
FBI Agent #1: (observing Moe via spy camera) Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Bart is at Lisa's tea party)
Bart: I don't know why I agreed to this.
Lisa: Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.
Bart: Oh, you're right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Mom, even Milhouse has a cell phone. Your son is lamer than Milhouse! What does that say about you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I've only driven ninety cents.
Agnes Skinner: You had to drive with the windows open, didn't you, Rockefeller?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: I'm never gonna have a cell phone.
Lisa: And I'm never gonna go to Machu Pichu. In this family, you get used to disappointment.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart's found cell phone rings)
Bart: Hello? Bart Simpson.
Denis Leary: This is Denis Leary, you little puke! When I find you, I'm gonna tear your heart out with two fingers! I know how to do it, too. I learned it for my show.
Bart: Which one? The one that got canceled, or the one that's gonna get canceled?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart prank calls Hawaii.)
Hawaiian Bartender: Aloha.
Bart: Aloha to you. I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
Hawaiian Bartender: Hang on. I'll check. Uh, has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?
(Bar patrons laugh.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 20 Episode 1: "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"

Mayor Quimby: Greetings, fellow Irishmen and lady-Irishmen!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's day until the Irish people showed up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Judge Snyder: Bail is set at $25,000.
Homer: (scoffs) I make that in a year.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Principal Skinner treats Superintendent Chalmers to dinner at his home.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 years, I am finally starting to like you.
Principal Skinner: Just wait for dessert, sir. I made it with you in mind.
Superintendent Chalmers: Outstanding. I'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me.
(Selma's erotic cake accidentally flies in through the window and lands on the table in front of Chalmers and Skinner and the two recoil in horror when they see it.)
Agnes: (from upstairs) Seymour! What's going on? I'm coming down there!
Superintendent Chalmers: Quick! We'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "The Simpsons" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!