Homer: Could I get a beer?
Moe: Oh yeah, sure.... oh sorry, I forgot we're out of beer.
Homer: Aaaaaah!
Moe: Oh I know, I got behind on my beer payment, the distributor cut me off, and I spent my last ten grand on the love tester. (Homer sucks the taps). It's too late Homer, Barney sucked it dry.

It passed the first test...I didn't go blind.

Homer

Collette: Barkeep, I couldn't help noticing your sign.
Moe: What, the one that says 'Bartenders do it till you barf'?

Well It's hard to say, He may have come up with the recipe, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it.

Moe

Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Wha? I'm sorry, Homer I couldn't hear you
Homer: I said you just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Huh?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer you're going to have to speak up!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer, Moe!
Moe: I've forced myself to wha?
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Homer.. I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Homer: You just lost yourself a customer!
Moe: Yeah you can use it!

Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.
Marge: Bart, are you going to Moe the lawn today?
Bart: Okay, but you promised me Moe money.
Marge:I Moe, I Moe!
Homer: Moe...Moe...Moe.
Lisa: When Bart's done, can we Moe to the Moevies? There's a Moetinee.
Marge: Of course, All work and Moe play makes Moe a Moe Moe.
Bart: Moemomoemoe?
Marge: Momomoemoe!
Lisa: Moememoemoemoe!
Bart: Momomomoe.

Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

Moe

Barney: Hey, what's this?
Moe: A sneeze guard.
Barney: (sneezes) Wow, it really works!

How could you do this to me Moe? This bar was going under and it was my drink that saved it. If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise.

Homer

Homer: Ah my new watering hole. (goes inside, barman pulls a shotgun on him)
Barman: Whadda you want?
Homer: A beer!
Barman: Okay then. (gives him a beer in a filthy glass)
Homer: Can I have a clean glass? (barman cleans glass)
Barman: (annoyed) Here you go, your majesty!

Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (slams the door, then put his head back round) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.
Marge: Well, duh!

Homer: Where's that waitress of yours?
Moe: Oh, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)

Lisa: (on the phone) Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Homer: Uh, isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at?
Lisa: I called her, she's not home. I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement.
Homer: Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.