The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 24)

Season 3 Episode 2: "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"

US Mint Tour Guide: Folks, we print more than 18 million bills a day. Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, we don't give out free samples.
Homer: Lousy cheap country.
 • Rating: Unrated

Congressman: I'd like to give you a logging permit, I would. But this isn't like burying toxic waste - people are going to notice those trees are gone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Moe: Aw, isn't that nice. Now there is a politician who cares.
Barney: If I ever vote, it'll be for him!
 • Rating: Unrated

Losing Contestant's Father: "We the purple"? What the hell was that?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Singer: The trading gap shuffle, we're in a heap of trouble, doing the trading gap shuffle!
Bart: He already sang this song!
Marge: No, that was about the budget gap. This is the trading gap.
 • Rating: Unrated

Singer: The deficit rag, oh yes the deficit rag! Those budget gaps can be a 12-digit drag! I'm telling you, that's the deficit, they really made a mess of it, that's the deficit ra-a-ag!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 1: "Stark Raving Dad"

Homer: (On phone with Bart) Now make sure we have plenty of cold cuts, and put some beer on ice--
Michael: Um, Homer, I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink.
Homer: Are you sure you're here voluntarily?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart answers the phone.)
Bart: Joe's crematorium...you kill 'em, we grill 'em.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Psychiatrist: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
Psychiatrist: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
 • Rating: Unrated

Leon: Hi. I'm Michael Jackson, from the Jacksons.
Homer: I'm Homer Simpson, from the Simpsons.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart fills out Homer's psychiatric form for him.)
Bart: Dad, do you hear voices?
Homer: (Annoyed) Yes, I hear voices, although I'm trying to watch TV.
Bart: (Checks "yes") Check. Are you quick to anger?
Homer: (Upset) Bart! Shut up, or I will shut you up.
Bart: (Checks "yes") Check. Do you wet your pants? Hmm, well I guess if that was an occasional accident.
(Starts checking "yes" to every question.)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns, Smithers, Dr. Marvin Monroe and other doctors review Homer's test shaking their heads in disbelief making tsk-tsk noises.)
Homer: So did I pass doc?
Mr. Burns: N-no.
(Doctors grab Homer and escort him out. Homer gasps and screeches.)
Smithers: Careful men. He wets his pants.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Honey, could you do me a favor and fill out this form?
Marge: Homer this is an intimate phsychological profile, I can't fill this out for you!
Homer: Alright. Alright. I'll get Lisa to do it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Lisa you like homework, could you fill out this form for me?
Lisa: Well, alright. If you listen to the poem I just wrote.
Homer: D'oh! Okay.
Lisa: I had a cat named Snowball, she died, she died. Mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied! Why, oh why is my cat dead? Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead? (Pause) I had a hamster named Snuffy, he died--
Homer: No deal!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael Jackson (Leon): I can't believe you never heard of me, I'm a very popular entertainer!
Homer: Oh of course I've heard of you, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know... what did you say your name was?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael Jackson (Leon): You seem like a nice guy, why did they put you in here?
Homer: Cuz I wore a pink shirt?
Michael Jackson (Leon): I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed.
Homer: What did you wear?
Michael Jackson (Leon): One white glove, covered with Rhinestones.
Homer: (rubs finger up and down his lips making a 'bibbity bobbity sound)
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (talking in sleep) Cakes, football, boobies.
Michael Jackson (Leon): Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: Lisa, her teeth are big and green, Lisa, she smells like gasoline, Lisa, da-da-da disa, she is my sister, her birthday, I missed-ah!
Michael Jackson (Leon): Uh, no.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael Jackson (Leon): The training wheels, come off your bike, you start to notice boys you like, a-hee hee hee.
 • Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Bart: Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "The Simpsons" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!