(after drinking the Flaming Homer) Wow, Homer, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!

Moe

The Flaming Moe is not for sale. Do you know how much of my blood and sweat are in this drink? (everybody in the bar spits out their drink) Uh, figure of speech.

Moe

The inventor I admire is not a rich man or a famous man or even a smart man. He's my father, Homer Simpson.

Bart

Mayor Quimby: Henceforth, this date shall forever be known as Flaming Moe's Day!
Advisor: Uh, sir, this is already Veterans' Day.
Mayor Quimby: It can be two things!

Holy Cow! Homer just fell on Aerosmith!

Barney

Flaming Moe's Theme Song
When the weight of the world has got you down,
And you want to end your life,
Bills to pay, a dead-end job,
And problems with the wife.
But don't throw in the towel,
'Cuz there's a place right down the block
Where you can drink your misery away
At Flaming Moe's (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's)
When liquor in a mug (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's)
Can warm you like a hug. (Flaming Moe's)
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away

Bart: My father invented that drink, and if you'll allow me to demonstrate...
Edna: Bart, are those liquor bottles?
Bart: Um...yes
Edna: Take them to the teacher's lounge. You can have what's left after school.

According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is...Love?! Who's been screwing with this thing?

Professor Frink

Jeepers, Mary, and Joseph! Sleep with a chick once and it costs me half a million bananas!

Moe

Moe: Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. (Calling) Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. (Hands over the receiver)
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: (Surprised) Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. (hangs up) What a nice young man.

Steven Tyler: Hello St. Loooooooouiiiiiis!
Joe Perry: Actually Steven, it's Springfield.
Steven Tyler: Right, right.

Homer: What is it boy? Is anything the matter my son? Talk to me young man..... say your name? Why should I do that my lad?
Bart: Because I'm jinxed dammit! (Homer punches him) Ow! What was that for?
Homer: You spoke while you were jinxed so I got to punch you in the arm!

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(singing) We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, but now the time has come... to go. If this old clown was found dead in his bed tomorrow, I'd be in heaven, still doing this show.

Krusty

Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.