Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch Two and a Half Men.

Alan: I think you know what you have to do.
Charlie: Um... break up with Miss Pasternak, right?
Alan [about Jake]: Hell, no, he's getting A's. He hasn't gotten an A since nap time in kindergarten.
Charlie: But he's not learning anything!
Alan: Charlie, get your priorities straight; I'm trying to get him into a decent middle school! After he's accepted, he can learn that Sacajawea wasn't... [reading Jake's test answer]: "a bag full of Jawea".

Miss Pasternak [referring to Jake]: Do you think he'll be okay?
Charlie: Sure, he's just not used to seeing his teacher out of the classroom... and her pants

Yeah, I do mate for life. I'm like a penguin that way, plus I like to slide across the ice on my belly

Rose

Judith [referring to Charlie]: Hold on, what is he doing here?
Alan: Well, my car's in the shop, and Charlie was nice enough to give me a ride.
Charlie: No, Charlie was nice enough to call you a cab, but you wouldn't take it

Miss Pasternak [regarding Jake giving her the middle finger]: I was writing on the board and he thought I couldn't see him.
Alan: Is this true?
Jake: Yeah, I really thought she couldn't see me

Miss Pasternak: Jake, I'm only your teacher from 8:15 to three o'clock. After that I'm just a person like anybody else.
Jake: This is more wrong than the time I saw Santa peeing at the mall

Charlie: Oh, Miss Pasternak...
Miss Pasternak: How come you never call me by my first name?
Charlie: I don't know, this just seems way hotter

Displaying all 7 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 3 Quotes

Miss Pasternak: Jake, I'm only your teacher from 8:15 to three o'clock. After that I'm just a person like anybody else.
Jake: This is more wrong than the time I saw Santa peeing at the mall

Charlie: Oh, Miss Pasternak...
Miss Pasternak: How come you never call me by my first name?
Charlie: I don't know, this just seems way hotter