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So... in addition to my house, half my money, and my self-esteem, Judith got custody of all my friendsAlan
- Permalink: So... in addition to my house, half my money, and my self-esteem...
Alan: Wait a minute, you don't consider me a friend?
Charlie: It's not up to me. A friend is someone you choose, a brother is someone you get...
Alan: Excuse me?
Charlie: There's no choice involved! Your dad just wakes you up in the middle of the night and says, "Your mom wasn't really fat and this isn't your room anymore."
- Permalink: Wait a minute, you don't consider me a friend? It's not up to ...
Charlie: I'm just having some friends over to... smoke cigars, sample some fine single-malt Scotch, and, you know, talk.
Alan: I enjoy all those things. But Scotch makes me a little gassy, but I'll take a Beano and I'm good to go.
- Permalink: I'm just having some friends over to... smoke cigars, sample som...
Back off, Mary PoppinsSean Penn [to Alan]
- Permalink: Back off, Mary Poppins