Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men "Corey's Been Dead For an Hour" Quotes

Charlie: You didn't have to go to the bathroom! You were just trying to stick me with the check!
Alan: Oh, oh, I see, so you know my bowels better than I do!
Charlie: I will when I pull them out through your nostrils.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: Who will 'Old Alan' be able to count on? Certainly not Jake, 'cause let's face it, his best hope of a steady income is if missing the toilet becomes a professional sport
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: I can't believe I missed out on a sure thing because I was sitting on the can, listening to you not take a crap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Vicki: I am so full. I don't think I could put another thing in my mouth.
Charlie: Hope that's just a figure of speech
 • Rating: Unrated

Jake: Are you crazy?
Rose: There's several schools of thought on that
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: Plato and Aristotle said that no matter how many times you shaked it, the last drop always falls in the pants
 • Rating: Unrated

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