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Jenna: So, are you a friend of the bride or the groom?
Alan: Well, the bride is my mother, so... the groom.
- Permalink: So, are you a friend of the bride or the groom? Well, the brid...
Sloane: Jake, what I want to know is, were you in your uncle's room at any time today?
Jake: No, I never go to my uncle's room.
Sloane: Why not?
Jake: 'Cause all the skin mags are in my dad's room.
- Permalink: Jake, what I want to know is, were you in your uncle's room at a...
[the crime scene investigators dim the lights in Charlie's room to check for semen]
Sloane: My God!
Wes: It's like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Charlie: The ceiling fan's actually a cute story.
- Permalink: My God! It's like a Jackson Pollock painting. The ceiling fa...
Berta: So who do you suppose was smoking Teddy's sausage?
Courtney: Berta, that is my father in there!
Berta: OK, so who do you suppose was smoking your father's sausage?
- Permalink: So who do you suppose was smoking Teddy's sausage? Berta, that...
[Evelyn finds Teddy lying dead on Charlie's bed]
Evelyn: You son of a bitch.
Alan: So you weren't the one who was...
Evelyn: Of course not. I already married the man! I just can't believe he'd cheat on me on our wedding day!
Courtney: Excuse me, my father is lying here dead!
Evelyn: With his pants around his ankles and lipstick on his hoo-hoo.
- Permalink: You son of a bitch. So you weren't the one who was... Of cou...
Charlie: We've got a real problem here.
Berta: What do you mean "we?" [walks away]
- Permalink: We've got a real problem here. What do you mean we?
Evelyn: We don't eat from the cake until we cut the cake.
Jake: But I'm still hungry.
Evelyn: Have some cheese!
Jake: Have we cut the cheese?
- Permalink: We don't eat from the cake until we cut the cake. But I'm stil...