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Walden: All this is making uncomfortable, I feel puking.
Alan: Well, you are in the rig.

Britte: Alan, the big billionaire has a jet.
Alan: It slipped out when they were running away from me.

Kate: This whole time, I thought he was the douche, but turns out, you are the douche.
Alan: Unbelievable! She likes me.

My penis is like Santa Claus, I don't have to see it, I just need to believe it exists.

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