Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men "Smooth as a Ken Doll" Quotes

Alan [talking about Charlie to Judith on the phone]: Okay, I'll tell him to keep his hands off Myra. And then, I'll tell the rain not to fall, the Earth not to spin and you to stop nagging me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: What are you talking about? This is just an alimony check.
Alan: Not an alimony check, this is my final alimony check... isn't it beautiful?
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie [after telling Myra she could stay in his house to get away from Judith and hearing her screaming "Herb" from the bedroom]: Do you wanna come too?
Herb: Are you nuts? With Myra out of the house I might get lucky tonight.
Charlie: Really? She seems pretty angry.
Herb: It's better when she's angry
 • Rating: Unrated

Berta: You know your problem? Phone cohones! When you're on the phone with her, you've got boulders between your legs. The minute you hang up, you're as smooth as a Ken doll
 • Rating: Unrated

Myra: Charlie, I don't want to put any pressure on you, but ...I'm a virgin.
Charlie: You are?
Myra: Man, you've got to stop sleeping with dumb girls. It's rubbing off on you
 • Rating: Unrated

Myra [to Alan about Herb]: So, how does this work? Do you get your original testicles back or does my brother give you his?
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Smooth as a Ken Doll?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!