Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Tom: Hey Charlie, when we drove in I noticed a tavern down the road. What do you say we go have a drink and get to know each other a little better?
Charlie: Sure, I guess, but if you're on the fence about me right now, I don't think alcohol is going to improve my chances.

Chelsea [after colonoscopy]: How you feeling?
Charlie: Like a new fish at Leavenworth.
Chelsea: Don't be so dramatic. Good news is you have a clean bill of health.
Charlie: Yes, but I lost my water tight seal.
Chelsea: Yes, but you have peace of mind.
Charlie: Yes, but now I can't wear white at our wedding.

Charlie: I'm out of baby wipes.
Chelsea: I bought you two boxes of baby wipes.
Charlie: What can I tell you, babies don't crap like this. At least not healthy babies.

Alan: Okay let me see if I got this straight: in order to not spend time with your fiance's parents, you're going to let a doctor snake a camera up your kiester?
Charlie: I'd be willing to let them shoot an IMAX feature.

Displaying all 4 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 13 Quotes

Alan: Okay let me see if I got this straight: in order to not spend time with your fiance's parents, you're going to let a doctor snake a camera up your kiester?
Charlie: I'd be willing to let them shoot an IMAX feature.

Charlie: I'm out of baby wipes.
Chelsea: I bought you two boxes of baby wipes.
Charlie: What can I tell you, babies don't crap like this. At least not healthy babies.