Venture Brothers

Venture Brothers Quotes (Page 5)

Season 4 Episode 5: "The Revenge Society"

Dr. Venture: Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed at my head. He'd just hold it there and pull the trigger. I'd hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
Dean: So it echoes.
Dr. Venture: Right, it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click. And then he'd go "Not today, Rusty, not today."
Dean: Golly. And you took it because you had to?
Dr. Venture: No, Dean, I took it because I was Rusty Venture, Boy Adventurer. I didn't ask for this life, Dean. But it's mine. Sure, I fall down in this speedsuit. But I get up and wet-nap my puke off.
Dean: Do you have one?
Dr. Venture: I got a pocket full of those lemony little devils.It all comes with that outfit, Dean. It's not all bad. I mean, I am a super-scientist. Loved. Feared. Well, I have a lawn full of bad guys who want my... what do they want?
 • Rating: Unrated

Phantom Limb: Silence! The room has ears. they're everywhere... listening, plotting, laughing at our hair!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dragoon: Am I missing something?
Red Mantle: The man is a Fruit Loop!
Phantom Limb: Fruit Loop as a fox, gentlemen
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Red Mantle: I've been piloting this bone-bag for like 73 years. I'm not giving it up to a talking pimple!
Dragoon: A talking pimple that can make you noogie himself!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Venture [outside the bathroom]: I have a list of inappropriate behavior. Number one: this! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: What's number two?
Dr. Venture: Nothing. I don't have a number two. I don't even have a list. Get out of the bathroom!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 4: "Return to Malice"

Henchman 21: What's the password?
The Monarch: I forgot. Oh, wait, I remember. I'm the f**king Monarch! Let me in now!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Venture: And here we are. Alone. What would the neighbors think?
Dr. Girlfriend: The neighbors are AuntiMatter, who's a spinster who shape shifts, and Flying Squid, he's pretty self-explanatory. So I don't think they'd find this weird.
Dr. Venture: I have a magic guy living in my house. And my former arch enemy is now my bodyguard.
Dr. Girlfriend: So, looks like what we made it. Exactly what my parents wanted for me. Guaranteed.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Henchman 21: You have been subjected to the dreaded Chinese Water Torture for easily half an hour. You have lost your grip on reality.
Dean: We're delirious? So, this is a dream, and we're not really..
Henchman 21: Oh, no, you're actually here. But if I'm half monster, and like half goat and half hor... okay, that's stupid. Okay, if my bottom half is a horse, and on top I'm Sin-Eater.
Dean: Who's Sin-Eater?
Henchman 21: Or Wolverine with bat wings.
Hank: Dude, you're that henchman guy.
Henchman 21: With bat wings?
Hank: No, that is mental! You're regular.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Sgt. Hatred: Look, I was in the Guild of Calamitous Intent. And I'm also a recovered pedophile. So if anyone knows the rules about young abducting boys from their beds, it's old Sgt. Hatred.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dean: All right, fine. But in the future, could you warn us before you do that?
Sgt. Hatred: In the future, the lazy Eloi will be living above ground. But underground, there will be cave monsters that use the above ground people for food. Dean, they eat them.
Dean: Now I know what happened to my copy of The Time Machine.
Hank: See, I didn't take it! I expect an apology. And also, I want a dollar. Emotional damage.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Henchman 86: Man! I'm so glad I didn't mention the car accident.
Henchman 21: Car accident? Car accident? That was no car accident. 24 died in a car intentional.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 3: "Perchance to Dean"

Hank [about his dad's car]: I don't think I should take it off the compound
Dermott: You didn't think I should have hot wired it either
Hank: That's because I had the keys
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: How come Baby Einstein gets his own lab and I'm stuck pushing boxes around? When do I get to train for my future career?
Dr. Venture: Who says you aen't right now?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dermott: All right, we're going to have to do this commando style.
Hank: You want me to... take off my underwear?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dermott: Why do you think they used to call me "the Wolf?"
Hank: Nobody calls you that.
Dermott: Well, they did back in my old neighborhood. When they weren't calling me "psycho." There was actually a war between two gangs over which nickname to call me. Both gangs won
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dermott: You think being grounded is bad? Try prison. That's like being grounded for life. And instead of chores... butt sex
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Sgt. Hatred: I don't wanna tell ya how to do your daddy duty or nothing, but don'tcha think maybe you're being just a little hard on the old Hankinator?
Dr. Venture: Hankinator? You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sgt. Hatred: It's a fresh new twist on a classic decoy tactic. We place 'em in key locations around the compound, and the next time your Monarch or your Baron Whats-His-Bheit comes a-knockin', he gets spanked in the face with five feet seven inches of screamin' hot stop it!
Dr. Venture: I'm five ten.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, maybe with them fancy elevator Beetle boots of yours
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Dean: I have been practicing my career in science, look at these
Dr. Venture: Shrinky Dinks don't count, Dean, I'm not even gonna ask why you sleep with those things
Dean: Because I can't find Mr. Reach
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

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