So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.

Catherine: Indian Chief, woo woo woo woo. That was a little racist but it was fun.
Wilfred: How is that racist? Indians do that all the time.

Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself.

Mrs. Newman is my slave name. You can call me Catherine.


What? You think you can do better than undies on the face?

Wilfred: Please tell me that donkey faced thing with the braces is not the chick you're going out with.
Ryan: She doesn't have braces.
Wilfred: Yeah you just can't see 'em, because they're probably on her legs. How do you think she supports that massive donkey face?

Ryan: Another Hillary Swank dream?
Wilfred: She was wearing a g-string in this one. Ryan it was so real.

Having fun, Ryan? Just another lazy Sunday watching porn with your lazy, rock hard neighbor.

But Jenna's put a lot of work into this. She even took me to the groomer. Thanks for noticing by the way.

Ryan: Eat shit! Eat shit!
Wilfred: Again, your tone says insult, but what I'm hearing is a tempting offer.

Ryan: Why would people assume that I'm the thief?
Wilfred: Really? You're still not getting this? You're the twitchy loner, the pasty neighborhood creep. And that's not me talking, that's Mrs. Patel.

I got it. It wasn't a homo chip. It was a glowing orb of gayness brought here by aliens that you summoned...

Wilfred Quotes

The home security system to a dog is like the cotton gin to a slave. It's an insult. It says you're easily replaceable.


Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."