Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

A bone? That's like giving a basketball to a black guy.

What did you do with my hair? I distinctly remember leaving it right here, all over the place.

Ryan: Why would people assume that I'm the thief?
Wilfred: Really? You're still not getting this? You're the twitchy loner, the pasty neighborhood creep. And that's not me talking, that's Mrs. Patel.

But Jenna's put a lot of work into this. She even took me to the groomer. Thanks for noticing by the way.

Having fun, Ryan? Just another lazy Sunday watching porn with your lazy, rock hard neighbor.

Wilfred: Do you know what this is?
Ryan: Let me guess, the length of my dick?
Wilfred: No, it's the amount of compassion you've shown towards your mum...and the length of your dick. They happened to be equal in this case. It doesn't happen often, but it's pretty cool when this shit lines up. Like an eclipse.

I've seen more aggressive ball playing in an airport men's room.

I got it. It wasn't a homo chip. It was a glowing orb of gayness brought here by aliens that you summoned...

Ryan: I killed him.
Wilfred: Oh, that's a relief.

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