WHAT in the HELL did the experts DO?!
We're 11 seasons into this Lifetime docuseries, so we aren't new at this, but after the events of Married at First Sight Season 11 Episode 1 , the show has chosen it's most potentially drama-inducing cast to date.
It's hard to believe anymore that there is a real effort to match up compatible couples. It's strictly about what brings the most drama.
The Quirky Couple
It seems Bennett and Amelia were paired up together for the sole reason that they're both oddball, quirky weirdos.
Amelia seems like a hippie type who grew up on a compound and wears a special pair of Birkenstocks just for protesting, and Bennett as a theater dork who probably has dabbled with some D&D, but the chances of them working is strong.
She claims she falls in love with someone a few times a day, so Bennett has that going for him, and he is the most open-minded and least shallow out of the men, so he probably won't have an issue with the fact that Amelia fully embraces her body hair because "F**K toxic femininity standards" or whatever.
Amelia is also looking for a househusband, and Bennett doesn't seem like a guy who will resist subverting traditional roles.
Only time will tell. But while it's hard to get a real feel for Amelia other than, "quirky," Bennett solidified himself as a fan-favorite.
The longer we spent time with him, the more endearing he became. He's the coolest, quirkiest nerd ever. He's completely unapologetic about who he is, and he's so adaptable.
The man carries around a Nokia flip-phone unironically and turnt up at the group bachelor party. Pure joy was watching that scrawny dork sandwiched between some voluptuous exotic dancers and happily dancing his awkward little ass off.
But if none of the romantic relationships pan out, then at least we'll get a bromance out of it. The most unexpected instant connection of this long-drawn-out premiere was the budding friendship between Bennett and Miles.
On the surface, they're as different as night and day (and yeah, I'll refrain from the Ebony and Ivory jokes), but they're the most mature, even-tempered, and decent guys out of the group.
All I know is when my wife sees me, I want her knees to buckle. I don't want her to fall just trip a little bit.Miles
They must have sensed each other's positive energy because they're already one step away from making each other friendship bracelets, and I am here for it.
If we can't have happy couples, can those two bro it out and walk off into the sunset together? Please, and thank you.
That Moment When You Find a Catch But You'd Rather Throw It Away ...
We've established that Miles is genuinely sweet and is right up there and maybe even above Bennett as the best guy on here, yes?
He's mature, and you can tell that his grandparents raising him has impacted him a great deal. He almost seems too perfect. It makes you wonder what the damn catch is.
He's excited about this process, and you could see it through every aspect of the premiere. He was damn near giddy when it was time to pick out his tuxedo.
He's in the for the long-haul, and he seems genuine in his intentions. It also sounds like he could be a nice match for Karen, but then, Karen is out here blocking her blessing.
She has some baggage after her ex had an entire child with someone else while they were dating. She still hasn't gotten over it, and you can already tell she's going to harp on this, assuming she lasts this long anyway.
Because Karen's mother did not react well when she told her that she was getting married to a stranger. And her mom was passive-aggressive and angling for Karen to back out the entire time.
But some saboteur texted Karen the name of her future husband. Like anyone with zero restraint, she investigated and found out all she could about him. Now, she doesn't want to walk down the aisle since he's "not her type."
It's not as if her purpose for getting on a reality show and having someone else choose her husband wasn't because she was having piss-poor luck on her own or anything.
Her ex with the secret baby was her "type," and we know how that worked out. Bloody hell, woman. Give this man a chance!
She has one of the best guys on the show, and she's willing to throw him away.
Sometimes, these people are the worst.
The worst part about it is, she may stick to her guns on this since they introduced us to five couples instead of the usual four.
We're going to lose a couple, aren't we? If we lose out on Miles and the Miles/Bennett bromance because of Karen, it's going to suck harder than Brett was knocking back those drinks.
Woody, Why Are You Here?
It's a headscratcher that Miles and Woody are best friends. How? They are an odd couple if there ever was one.
Miles is so perfect, and Woody is something else.
Inquiring minds want to know what possessed the experts to choose someone who didn't have a definitive answer for why they auditioned.
Woody's reasoning ranged from: it would be something fun to do with his best friend, he got promoted and wanted to celebrate, and he wanted to prove to his friends that he could be married.
He's a lively, strong personality, and I'm not saying he only wanted to be on TV, I'm typing it instead.
He's slightly obnoxious, hyperactive, and he comes across as a player, and they have paired him with a scorned woman with trust issues who found out that her ex was married.
Why are they setting her up for failure? It seems cruel.
Amani seems perfectly fine, for the most part, but she'll have a difficult time with her husband to be.
The women didn't have as much time to shine as the men. But the experts screwed her over, and she hasn't even walked down the aisle yet.
Oh Yeah, Them.
Um, Henry is awkward, introverted, and he has some self-esteem issues. He had body confidence issues in the past, and then he had heart surgery.
He seems nice enough. You feel for the man, and you want good things for him. But he comes across low-energy, and he's rather forgettable compared to everyone else.
But when you do remember he's there, you want to hug him. It feels as though he should have been paired with Olivia, but he was paired with Christina.
At first, it seemed as though she would be someone who would steamroll all over him.
But after the way she flipped out at the Bachelorette party over too many women and discomfort with the exotic dancers, maybe she and Henry will get along nicely.
everyone says the nice guy finishes last, but I'll take him.Christina
What, and I Cannot Emphasize This Enough, The Actual F**k?!
Henry isn't the only one who suffers from insecurities and low self-esteem, Olivia has him beat in that department.
The woman seems fragile, and what did the experts do? They paired her with the season's douche and potential newest villain, Brett.
We should have known he would be a problem child with the name Brett. The only thing that would've been worse is if he was a "Chad."
It made zero sense that they chose someone who admitted he was a serial dater. It made less sense that they picked this arrogant, shallow dudebro and paired him with an insecure woman who he won't find attractive.
He's shallow, remember?
The most on-brand thing about Brett is that Woody was the only other person who liked him.
If there is nothing physical there, there is no point. It's over.Brett
Olivia is a woman who had tears in her eyes because her grandfather was the only man who ever bought her flowers, and she'll be marrying a man who got white girl wasted on two different occasions and hit on everything in a skirt, including Henry's best friend.
And if that wasn't bad enough, he left in the middle of his bachelor party. It wouldn't be a surprise if there was another woman he planned to hook up with in the pick-up truck.
Brett is already showing similar traits as Zach, Matt, and a couple of others from previous seasons, and it's starting to get disturbing that these women are subjected to this poor treatment.
They don't deserve it.
Overall, there was more of a promise of juicy drama and an insane season than there was anything overwhelmingly exciting about the two-hour premiere.
It dragged on so long, and it makes you miss the days when they would at least squeeze in one wedding before the credits rolled.
Over to you, MAFS Fanatics. It's going to be a mess, but will you keep watching? What are your first impressions of the couples?
Who do you think will make it down the aisle? Sound off below.
You can watch Married at First Sight online here via TV Fanatic.
Jasmine Blu is a senior staff writer for TV Fanatic. She is an insomniac who spends late nights and early mornings binge-watching way too many shows and binge-drinking way too much tea. Her eclectic taste makes her an unpredictable viewer with an appreciation for complex characters, diverse representation, dynamic duos, compelling stories, and guilty pleasures. You'll definitely find her obsessively live-tweeting, waxing poetic, and chatting up fellow Fanatics and readers. Follow her on Twitter.