Lois: I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey that's fantastic Lois, and I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me Too!
Peter: Oh God Meg, that's SICK! That's your mother!
Meg: I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out, get out of this house!

Chris: Can I get some covers over here?
Consuela: No, your fat keep you warm.

Chris: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thanks evil mon.... thanks monkey
Monkey: I'd get up to hug you but sitting down is the only thing keeping the poop in

Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit.
Doctor: Oh my, that's a nasty one. I bet the other kids all call you zit face.
Chris: No.
Doctor: Pus peak?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Papa zit?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well, yeah

Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!

Wow, Saturday Night Live! I can't think of anything more exciting... Oh my God! A water fountain! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Chris: Why is everybody acting weird?
Lois: Chris, honey, we know what you did. And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve.
Chris: What I did? Oh, that I lied about my age to get into Indian bingo?
Peter: Uh, no.
Chris: That I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but still no.
Stewie: How is that close?

Chris: Hi, everybody! What's for dinner? I'm starving!
Peter: My god, his bloodlust is unquenchable!

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny

Chris: I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
Brian: Ow

Meg: Brian! Chris picked his nose, and now he keeps touching me with finger!
Chris: What good is mining nose gold if I can't share it with the townspeople?

Genie: I am here to grant you three wishes.
Lois: Peter, three wishes. Oh this is so exciting.
Meg: I want a new hat
Chris: I want a new hat
Stewie: I want them to have new hats!

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire