South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
Cartman: Excuse me sir, could you please point me in the direction of the pube fair?
Man: The pube fair? There's no such thing, you little smart ass.
Ohhh, the tears of unfathomable sadness, mmm, yummy yummy you guys!
</i> Cartman
(spots Kyle and Stan's ice cream) Where did you get the ice cream?
[all the boys, except Cartman, look the same with the same clothes and no hair]
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?
Cartman: Alright Brother Kyle, it is time for us to die.
Kyle: Cartman we've been brain washed don't you see? We don't have to do this!
Cartman: But it's the only way for us to be happy.
Kyle: Cartman, no!
Cartman: Blainetology is for everyone. There are Blainetologists who are Catholics, Buddhists... Why even Kyle here is a God damn Jew.
Kyle: That's right.
Kyle: (whispering) Cartman. Cartman, wake up. Cartman.
Cartman: (wakes up abruptly, knocking Kyle off his bed) No, Paula Poundstone! Leave me alone! Uh! Uh?
Kyle: It's just me.
Cartman: (Cartman realizes he's at the camp with Kyle and sighs) Brother Kyle? Why do you disturb my rest?
Kyle: Thanks for saving us, Stan. You're my super best friend.
Stan: Your my super best friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys! You want to go get a room so you can make out for a while?
[to Kyle] I don't wanna die either. I haven't even gotten my pubes yet.
Cartman: Yeah, we're gonna use him to help raise money in our bake sale.
Stan: Cartman, don't say "use him," you big silly goose.
Randy: (to Stan) What did you say?!
Stan: I just called Cartman a name. He's a, he's a silly goose.
Randy: YOU DO NOT SAY "BIG SILLY GOOSE!" You call him an asshole like a normal kid!
Stan: But Dad, I was just trying to --
Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT!
Stan: (to Cartman) Asshole.
Randy: That's better!
Cartman: (quietly) Don't call me an asshole, you son of a bitch.
(to Big Gay Al) Get your big gay ass off the couch and come be our scoutmaster again!
(on P.A. system) Attention, shoppers. Outside, we have cripple fight. Cripple fight outside!
(people run out of the store to see it)
