South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
Clown hat, curly hair, smiley face.
Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. Midgets piss me off.
Cartman: Alright, what the hell do you guys think you're doing?!
Stan: We're making faces at sick people.
Why the hell does the F.B.I. keep arresting all my friends?? This HAS to be the work of Stan and Kyle, God I hate those guys!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, I'm gonna give you a jail time card. You lose a turn.
Stan: Sweet.
Cartman: Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna give you AIDS.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: I just gave you AIDS.
Kyle: AIDS?
Stan: Dude, that's not cool. Don't give Kyle AIDS.
Cartman: (writing) Kyle has AIDS and now loses 47 turns and 800 points.
Cartman: Those perverts aren't going to rest until they have made love to one of us right? So somebody's just gonna have to go out there and take one for the team. And I think in all fairness it should be Butters.
Butters: Huh? Now why me?
Cartman: Are you a team player or not?
Butters: Well sure, I'm a team player I guess.
Cartman: Now Butters, there is no 'i' in team.
Butters: You mean to expect me to go out there and let all those horny old men have their way with my fragile person? Well just what team is this anyway?
Cartman: Just go Butters, we're running out of time.
Butters: Oh, alright then. (Butters leaves the room)
Cartman: (Laughs) He's such a dumbass.
Cartman: (to Kenny) Goddamn it poor people suck. Your family is already on welfare and now you're gonna bring another kid into the world. Poor people are churning out babies, adding to the population and then expecting ME to pay for it with MY tax dollars.
Stan: You don't pay tax dollars Cartman, you're 8.
Kyle: Those contorting Romanian chicks rule.
Cartman: Yeah, especially that second one from the left. She was fine!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?! They're identical!
Cartman: Not that second one from the left, she had it goin' on!
Stan: Damn, dude, do you see how much money this place is raking in?
Cartman: Yeah. I could prance around in tights and sing opera too, for that kind of cash.
We've reached fag factor 5, captain.
No way! The bitches from Cirque du Chebleu!
Stan: Dude, this isn't working.
Kyle: It's Kenny's singing!
Cartman: Yeah, Kenny, you have to sing better!
Kenny: (I'm singing as good as I can!)
Stan: Well, it's not good enough, Kenny! You have to get better! Try it again!
Grandpa: Aha, I knew it. They turned you into poofders.
