South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
(telling Butters as the tooth fairy) Do not open your eyes until morning, or I will kick you in the nuuuuutssquare in the nuuuts.
Kyle: What about Dan Rather? Do you think he's real?
Cartman: No, man, that's just a TV show.
(Sick kid talking to parents while Cartman lurks outside his window.)
Sick Kid: Oh mommy, I can't wait to be better!
Cartman: Well kid, you're gonna have to wait just a little longer because that $600 is mine.
Cartman: My mom lied to me just like your parents lied to you and now we're poor like Kenny's family.
(Kenny walks over to comfort Cartman.)
Cartman: Don't touch me Kenny.
How do you know what the tooth fairy wants me to do? You're not the tooth fairy!
Cartman: You guys, you guys! Oh my god, seriously, you guys!
Stan: What the hell's wrong with Cartman?
Kyle: He's fat and stupid.
Man, that is tits!
Loogie: Tell you what, how would you like to run the South Park tooth racket for me?
Stan: Oh. I dunno
(Loogie holds up a knife)
Loogie: It's that, or else I can cut off your penises.
Cartman: Hmm. Work for youHave my penis cut off. Work for youHave my penis cut off. Let's see
Kyle: Cartman!
Kyle: But you know, I've learned something today. You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
Cartman: Tits.
Mr. Garrison: Goddammit, I don't think you children have been working on your fingering!
Cartman: That's not true, Mr. Garrison. Kyle's been working on his fingering with his mom all night long.
(Kenny laughs)
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: No seriously, Kyle's mom said Kyle getting good at fingering.
(Kenny laughs harder and falls out of his chair)
Mr. Garrison: Shut up, Eric!
Cartman's Oh Holy night:
Cartman: And, O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's b-b-b-birth.
O holy night! The something something distant
It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie.
Jesus was born and so I get presents.
Thank you, Jesus for being born.
(Whooo-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Fall
(Fa-a-a-a-alllll)
On your knees!
(On your knees)
And, hear
(Can't you heaaar)
The angel's... something
(Voices!)
O night
(O night!)
Divine
(Divine!)
The night when I get presents;
(O-o-o)
O night
(O night!)
Beeef-caaakkkeee, O night;
O night devine!
Ehh.. chmm
Mr Hankey's Have Yourself a Merry Christmas
Mr. Hankey: Well, I guess that's about the end of my Christmas album. Gosh, it was sure nice hanging
out with y'all again! And I guess if there's just one thing I have left to say, it would be this:
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Let your heart be light.
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Make the yuletide gay.
From now on, our troubles will be miles away.
All: Here we are, as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
Boys: Through the years, we all will be together,
If the fates allow.
Mr. Hankey: Hang a shining star upon the highest bough,
All: And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
Cartman: Time to go, Mr. Hankey.
Mr. Hankey: Good-bye, everybody!
(Flush)
And Merry Christmas!!
Kyle: Bye, Mr. Hankey. See you next year.
