She promised she wouldn't tell Dad until after I left for college, which means that he may never have found out.

Haley [to Alex]

It happens. Dolls grow up.

Haley

Phil: Someday I'll be walking you down the aisle.
Haley: Not if you're in perv jail.

There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my feet.

Haley

Uh I have a party tonight. You promised I could go if I got a B on my test. I studied, I read stuff, what was the point of all that?

Haley

Saying nothing is not lying. It's just letting the truth speak for itself.

Haley

Uncle Cam, as her future prom date can you please talk to her? You know fashion and stuff.

Haley [about Alex]

Let me burn your clothes!

Haley [to Alex]

Dear College, Cheese makes me gassy, see you in September.

Haley

Haley: Did my 3rd grade teacher say I have ADD or something.
Claire: No honey she said you couldn't A-D-D because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-L-L.

Are you trying to ruin college for me before it even starts?

Haley [to Phil]

Haley: You're a freshman, what are you doing in second year math?
Alex: You're a senior, what are you still doing in second year math?
Haley: Not still, again!

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me