The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
Little Girl: I hope you feel better, Santa.
Homer: Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. Thanks for listenin', kid.
(At Santa training class, Homer tries to recall all the names of Santa's reindeer.)
Homer: Um, Dasher. Dancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Prancer.
Instructor: Mm-hmm.
Homer: Nixon. Comet...Cupid. Donna Dixon?
Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.
Homer: Bart, did you hear that? What a name! "Santa's Little Helper." It's a sign. It's an omen.
Bart: It's a coincidence, dad.
Principal Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol.
Homer: How many grades does this school have!?
If I was interested in fun, I would have ran the day you were born.
Homer: What should I buy first, a mirror that gives me advice or Hitler's baseball?
Mirror: My advice is to buy Hitler's baseball.
Any part of a cookie you can't eat is a waste of time.
Bart: Who the hell says pota-toe?
Homer: Song writers who are stuck for lyrics.
Homer: That is the most amazing doughnut I've ever tasted
Mr. Burns: Well, if you stay on with the Springfield nuclear plant, you could have one of these tasty beauties every day.
Lenny [about doughnut]: One of these every day might kill us.
Carl: Can we get a health plan to go with them?
Mr. Burns: Sure, you could have a health care or.... two donuts a day.
Bart: Why are great things always ruined by women: the army, Fantastic Four, think how awesome would American Idol be if it was just Simon and Randy?
Homer: You say that now, but when you're grown up, you'll just think it.
They took away our doughnuts at work! All I've had are my meals.
Grandpa: Why don't we let Homer tell the story.
Homer: Really, me? You mean it?
Grandpa: I think you're ready for your first ramble.
Homer: I've been waiting for this day for so long. The year is 1946, and in a world torn, a single flower blooms and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. How am I doing dad?
Grandpa: I'm hanging on every word.
