The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.
Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down.
(Cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa)
Homer: You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.
Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)
Homer: You know, my great-great grandmother was an Indian. I guess I should've mentioned that before, huh?
Lisa: Yes, you should have!
Bart: You know, I thought Darcy and I would be like a real married couple. Instead, we just ended up fighting all the time.
Homer: Yeah, how 'bout that?
Lisa: Show's over, let's go.
Homer: What's your hurry?
Lisa: Well, some of my report, um, wasn't thoroughly fact checked.
Homer: (Laughs) My little girl's just like CBS News.
Bart, take these volleyballs, fill them up, and throw them over the prison wall to create chaos and confusion.
(calling Bart) Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between 'ketchup' and 'catsup'? (Bart throws the cell phone away.) They're gonna cut my head off!
Homer: Son, one day you're going to be a great father.
Bart: Aww, and someday you'll be one too.
Homer: Thanks boy, heh heh heh heh heh.
I need a ride. I think I'm in Chinatown. (a mouse run in the street) No, not our Chinatown.
Marge: Revenge never solves anything!
Homer: (sarcastically) Then what's America doing in Iraq?
(Angrily at the Rich Texan) Reeevenge!!!
