Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

• Permalink: I love your new hairdo, by the way. Well if you like the colla...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Lana, did you see my scarf?
Lana: Yes, Archer. I saw your scarf.
Archer: All my hair fell out.
Lana: I'm sorry.
Archer: Me too. It was my fifth best feature.

• Permalink: Lana, did you see my scarf? Yes, Archer. I saw your scarf. ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: Oh My... You're getting off on this!
Archer: And?

• Permalink: Oh My... You're getting off on this! And?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You're just doing this to spite me!
Lana: And?

• Permalink: You're just doing this to spite me! And?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

• Permalink: What's your third biggest fear? Brain aneurysm. What's a bra...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.

• Permalink: You're s**tting me. I know. A rainbow should shoot out every ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

I am literally wet with jealousy.

• Permalink: I am literally wet with jealousy.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: Lana, you go straight to Moscow.
Lana: Undercover?
Malory: Of course undercover.
Lana: As what? Russia's only black woman?

• Permalink: Lana, you go straight to Moscow. Undercover? Of course under...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You're black...ish.
Lana: Ish!?
Archer: Well what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!
Lana: (sarcastic) Imagine that!!
Archer: You imagine it!
Malory: BOTH OF YOU IMAGINE SHUTTING UP!!!

• Permalink: You're black...ish. Ish!? Well what's the word for it, Lan...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: What a hunk
Cheryl: Total sploosh.
Lana: Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh.
Gillette: And whatever my equivalent of sploosh. Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

• Permalink: What a hunk Total sploosh. Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh. ...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...

• Permalink: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17. No, she looks lik...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: What's your blood type?
Archer: Who am I Karl Landsteiner?

• Permalink: What's your blood type? Who am I Karl Landsteiner?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0