Laverne Roberts Quotes
Laverne: Honey bear! You look blue. Have a cookie.
Carla: Nah-ah-ah, Laverne. No more jackin' up my man's blood sugar just so you can buy yourself a camper.
Turk: So this is all a big joke to you guys? 'Cause this is my life, and I don't think it's funny.
Laverne: Now I gotta try to get back in on that craps game in the basement.
Laverne: Dr. Reid. Would you sign this for me, please?
Elliot: Sure! So... what are you doing this weekend, Laverne?
Laverne: Minding my own business. How 'bout you?
Elliot: Hopefully lighting the crap out of Saint Martha's auditorium!
Laverne: Yippee.
Mrs. Carter: I don't know how my car ended up in the community pool.
Laverne: You musta lost control after you went through the snack bar.
J.D.: She died?
Dr. Cox: Three days ago of endocarditis. You didn't get blood cultures and you missed it. You happy?
J.D.'s Narration: The weird thing was that I was a little happy.
J.D.: Sticky needle please!
Laverne: Here you go, Doctor. Oh, by the way, when this is over, I'm kicking your ass!
Carla: I've told Elliot a million times that she would be a good chief resident, but she just ignored me.
Laverne: Maybe she's racist.
Carla: Whatever. It's fine, it's fine. It's not like all my friends are gonna go to Molly for advice.
Laverne: Mmm-hmm.
Molly: Nurse Roberts, if you still wanna talk about that situation with your husband, we can go to my office now.
Laverne: 'Scuse me.
Doug wanted me to give this patient five hundred thousand milligrams of morphine. I thought I'd check with you before I kill a man.
J.D.'s Narration: Ultimately, conflict is resolved by remembering why you were friends in the first place.
Laverne: Don't hang up, Lester.
Molly: You should talk to her. You know her better.
J.D.'s Narration: Or by swallowing your pride.
Carla: I know what you're doing. But I'm okay with it.
Dr. Cox: He's coming. He's coming! Get your ass out here!
J.D.'s Narration: Or by uniting against a moment-stealing common enemy who took credit for your ingenious method of de-bulbing a patient's keister!
Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.
Marco: I knew that jackass would screw this up!
Todd: Did you just dis my friend, Turk?
Marco: What are you gonna do about it, meathead?
Todd: My friend, I am about to make you look very silly!
Todd prepares to hit Marco but Marco gives him a push and he tumbles off the altar
Laverne: Things are starting to heat up.
Dr. Cox: Damnit all to hell Bob. I cannot believe you're gonna turn this hospital into some money making machine that coerces people into spending their hard earned cash on expensive procedures that they don't even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? Sounds like something I'd do.
Dr. Cox: You mark my words, if one single person gets a full body scan, I will, (pauses) I will kiss your ring.
Dr. Kelso: I will take that bet champ. You're our witness Laverne.
Laverne: How very exciting for all of us.
J.D.: Laverne, what will you give me if I get this jelly bean in your cleavage?
Laverne: A concussion.
