Lynette Scavo Quotes
Tom: I bet you didn't see that one coming?
Lynette: No.. That was a real frisbee to the head, that one!
(Lynette practising baseball with Parker.)
Tom: What are you guys doing?
Lynette: I'll tell you what were not doing, quitting.
Tom: Hey buddy, did you change your mind?
Parker: NO!
Lynette: So if Tom was cheating, you wouldn't tell me?
Gabrielle: No! But I would hire someone to beat the crap out of him.
Lynette: Aww, you're sweet.
Bree: I'm not telling who it is. I'm just asking the question. If you know a husband has been unfaithful, do you tell the wife?
Lynette: Absolutely! If he's been cheating, he could bring home a disease.
Bree: Okay, that's what I was thinking. I mean, that's how Bunny Connors got chlamydia.
Gabrielle: She told me she got it from wearing someone else's bathing suit.
Lynette: No, that's how she got crabs.
Gabrielle: With Bunny, it's always something. If it's not the clap, it's a botched face lift.
Tom: Why are you being such a hard ass?
Lynette: It's called parenting, Tom. Watch and learn.
Lynette: God, I hate my life
Gaby: I know, I wouldn't trade with you for anything
Nora: But it's not your life. You're life's perfect..
Lynette: Excuse me? Did you smoke that bong before you beat the guy with it?
Nora: It's just...You have it all! You have the kids, you have the career. You have the husband. You're super mom
Lynette: And you think that's easy? Okay I have a good life yes, yes I am very lucky, but I work 12 hours a day and then I come home to what seems like 33 children and a husband who refuses to get a job. Believe me there's not a super-mom out there who wouldn't trade in her cape for a chance to read a book and get a massage from a man that has the decency to leave when it's over!
(Tom is on the phone with Lynette)
Tom: I can barely sit up. The kids are running wild. I need you to come up here.
Lynette: Why don't you take a muscle relaxer?
Tom: I've already taken two, they're not working.
Lynette: Well, why don't you give them to the kids?
Tom: Lynette! ... Parker! For the last time, put DOWN the DAMN AXE!
Lynette: Oh... alright, I'll be there as soon as I can.
Nora: You think I'm crazy.
Lynette: No! You're colorful... Colorful in a way that might respond to medication.
(In the bride's room, after Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle shared their concerns - regarding Orson - with Bree)
Bree: He did not hack her up and dissolve the pieces in acid!
Gabrielle: I said it was a theory.
Lynette: The point is, Alma disappeared under very suspicious circumstances.
Bree: I don't have time for this. I'm getting married now.
Susan: This is your day. You can push the ceremony back an hour. Now get that detective on the phone, talk things out with Orson.
Bree: I can't talk to Orson. It's bad luck for the groom to see
the bride before the wedding.
Lynette: You know what's really bad luck? Marrying a wife-killer.
Carlos: Hey, are there any decent, single women at this wedding?
Waiter: Not that I have seen it.
Lynette: Hey, Carlos. You should come over to our table, that's where all the hotties are.
Nora: I don't know what idiot stuck me at that table but every guy over there is a boring stiff!
Lynette: All of them? What about Jerry? Jerry's fun!
Nora: You mean Mr Fatty-Hair Plug? Oh yeah, he's a blast!
Lynette: How about Steve? You know what, I hear his family has money!
Nora: Well maybe they could all chip in and buy him some deodorant! I'm through with those losers, I'm gonna stay right here with you!
