The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMoe Szyslak Quotes
Moe: You know, I think I'll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why'd you say "too"?
Moe: Well, I assume I'm not the first one.
Homer: Burns stiffed us!
Moe: I can't believe he acted completely in character!
(bowing to Homer) King of thieves, we worship you!
Apu and Moe
Homer: Moe, I can save you if you let go of the grandfather clock.
Moe: But it's been in my family for over 40 seconds!
Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!
Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It's 500 degrees in here! (Checks thermometer) Oh no wait, it's only 495. What's on your mind?
Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain't stealing if you take it fast.
(Moe's character, a troll, appears)
Moe: I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
Marge: Wow, Moe. You're a troll.
Moe: What? No. My character's suppose to look like me. (Angrily) Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll? (He storms off under a bridge, stomps around and mutters angrily)
(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)
Why am I payin' $14.95 a month for this?
</i> Moe
Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
Moe: Sure.
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)
My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.
