Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!

• Permalink: Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!
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Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

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Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

• Permalink: There were three lies in that sentence.
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We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.

• Permalink: We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.
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Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

• Permalink: Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?
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I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

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What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

• Permalink: What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.
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I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

• Permalink: I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.
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Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

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The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

• Permalink: The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.
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There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.

• Permalink: There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.
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Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.

• Permalink: Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.
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