Peter: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big christmas toy gets a huge bonus!
Chris: Why don't you invent the frisbee, dad? That's an awesome toy!
Meg: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris: Then how come I've never heard of it?

• Permalink: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big ch...
• Recent Views: 0

What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for, Lois

• Permalink: What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a t...
• Recent Views: 0

Peter: What day is it?
Lois: Thursday.
Peter: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late!
Lois: If you spent less time fixing your hair...
Peter: No Lois, I'm late, late. Do we still have that pregnancy test?
Lois: Are you insane? You can't have a baby.
Peter: Well I don't have a lot of options. I'm Catholic. I thought you'd be happy

• Permalink: What day is it? Thursday. Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late! ...
• Recent Views: 0

Gloria: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett. She's suing you and the company for sexual harrasssment.
Peter: Sarah, Sarah? I don't--oh, is she the one we video taped taking a dump?

• Permalink: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-work...
• Recent Views: 0

Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my angels! Except you. You be Bosley

• Permalink: Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my an...
• Recent Views: 0

Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat

• Permalink: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting...
• Recent Views: 0

This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it

• Permalink: This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laug...
• Recent Views: 0

Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at each other!

• Permalink: Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw i...
• Recent Views: 0

Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to 'em

• Permalink: Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while y...
• Recent Views: 0

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner

• Permalink: I guarantee you a man made that commercial. Of course a man ma...
• Recent Views: 0

Peter: Hey Stewie. I see your bum.
Stewie: Well take a good look, fat man. And while you're at it, take pictures so I have something to bring with me to court, you wretched pervert

• Permalink: Hey Stewie. I see your bum. Well take a good look, fat man. An...
• Recent Views: 0

How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

• Permalink: How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out ...
• Recent Views: 0