Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antietam. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate.
Peter: What the hell does rant mean?
Chris: What's a library, dad?
Peter: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM
Peter: Hey, Chris, what are you doing?
Chris: Just layin' back in the cot, peepin' at this here homie. Yo, pops, let me have some cheddar. Some player hater be throwin' salt in my game and grillin' me over my gear and I needs to be mackin' style.
Peter: Well, uh... the important thing is you tried, son.
Brian: "The Diary of Nate Griffin." May 7th, 1836. I was brushing down Lucy, the new colt, when she let out a fart right near my face. So I took her head and stuck it by my butt and blew a huge fart right back at her.
Peter: Hehehehehehe!
Brian: Oh, uh, that laugh's in here, too, see? "Hehehehehehehe..."
Peter: That's my son out there. I taught him how to wipe.
Jake: Why won't you teach me how to wipe, dad?
Tom Tucker: Because you don't have a bottom, son.
Jake: Aw!
Meg: Oh, my God!
Mr. Pewterschmidt: He's violating Seabreeze!
Peter: No, no he's just awkwardly positioning himself--oh now he's violating Seabreeze
You know what's funny? I always thought that dogs laid eggs, and I learned something today
Peter: Your honor, Brian'll be a great dad. Hell, if I was half the parent Brian is, I'd know that Chris' favorite ice-cream is...
Brian: Chocolate Chip.
Peter... and Stewie's favorite bedtime story is...
Brian: Good Night Moon.
Peter: And Meg's real father's name is...
Brian: Stan Thompson
Lawyer: Mr Griffin, which of the following two phrases best describes Brian Griffin: Problem Drinker or African-American Haberdasher?
Peter: Uh, do I-I guess problem drinker, but that's uh-
Lawyer: Thank-you. Now: Sexual deviant or magic picture that if you stare at it long enough, you see something?
Peter: Well, sexual deviant, but that other one's not even, eh-
Lawyer: Thank-you
Teacher: In French, when you want to say "yes", you say "oui, oui!"
Peter: You gotta be kidding me! Oh my god, that is hysterical. Oh, man. Hey, what do you say for "no"? "Doo Doo?" Hey, I'll be right back. I gotta go take a wicked "yes!"
Brian, I am very disappointed in you. I'd turn my back on you but I've seen what do in that situation
I think the lesson here is, it doesn't really matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion
