Professor Farnsworth Quotes
Farnsworth: We're not watching it again, ask something less stupid!
Fry: Oh alright, how about this... what if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
Farnsworth: That question is less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
So that's what would have happened if I'd invented the Finglonger. Quite impossible of course. A man can dream though... a man can dream...
Farnsworth: Well, Leela, care to give the What-If machine a whirl?
Leela: Maybe later. I-I mean, I don't know what to ask about.
Hermes: Come on, woman! Just pick something.
Fry: Yeah, be more impulsive. Like this.
He picks up a box of Admiral Crunch, tips the contents on his head and pours milk over it
Bender: Go, man! Go!
Fry eats the cereal from his head
Leela: I can be really impulsive. It just takes me a while.
Fry chops a banana onto his head
Hermes: We're jerked! Nothing can stop a monster that big.
Farnsworth: Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray. But we'll need a guinea pig.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! I've invented a device that allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "the fing-longer". Observe. (He aims the fing-longer at a button on a tv screen) And, here we go. (The TV screen, turns on) There!
Fry: Ooh!
Amy: Wow!
Zoidberg: Ah!
Farnsworth: Pretty long, eh?
Fry: Yeah, it's really long. But what did you just turn on with it?
Farnsworth: Oh, that's just the What-If machine I invented. You pose it a What-If question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.
Fry: Does it really work?
Farnsworth: Of course it works! It's just not very long...
Leela: What is it?
Farnsworth: It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.
Bender: Hey, look! An ugly scared guy! Boo!
Fry: Who are you monsters? Is one of you Icy Wiener?
Zoidberg: If that's his pizza, then I'm icy whatever!
That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria! This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.
Farnsworth: I can't live forever and I need an heir. Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't level-headed enough. They're too impulsive. Not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela.
Leela: Hello? New boots!
Farnsworth: That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die, you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes. Incredibly wealthy. The day I die. Because you're so unimpulsive.
Farnsworth: Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers". When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes.
Mom: Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them 8-feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market!
Farnsworth: But things 8-feet tall aren't cute! That's why my Colossal Tammy Tinkle Doll was such a failure.
Igner: But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy, she'll be happy and stop the scary robots.
Farnsworth: Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool?
She was my first love... or at least the earliest one I can still remember.
Fry: Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.
Farnsworth: Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall!
