Wish it, Want it, Do it. Am I pronouncing that correctly?

Coming up next? A boxing match where boxers are bleeding before the fight.

Tom Tucker: Hi, I'm Tom Tucker. Where's Diane, Ollie?
Ollie: She dead!

What do you think, Ollie? I miss Ollie.

The same thing happened to me... but with a mustache.

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, important traffic news that can't help you because you're some place where a TV is.

Tom Tucker: Good Evening, I'm Tom Tucker with Channel 5 News. We now go live to Ollie Williams, recapping the events of the last episode of Family Guy. What happened last time Ollie?
Ollie: (yelling) Stewie killed Lois!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Peter got blamed!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Peter went to court!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Lois came back!
Tom: How?
Ollie: (yelling) Wasn't really dead!
Tom: Thanks Ollie, and now part two.

Tom Tucker: Good evening Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker.
Diane Simmons: And I'm Diane Simmons. The Quahog mayoral race is heating up, with incumbent Adam West squaring off against challenger, Lois Griffin.
Tom Tucker: Which leads many political analysts to ask the question: Can a woman really be mayor? Or will she just menstruate all over the city? Stay with us.

Well, the election results are pouring in, and it looks like it's gonna be a tight one. Which reminds me Diane, when was the last time you--ah, forget it.

Tom Tucker: In other Pseudo-Scientific news, a local man claims to have spotted Big Foot. We've got the exclusive interview.
RJ: I was about to bone my girlfriend out at the lake, but suddenly she yelled. So I looked up and was Big Foot.
Tom Tucker: So what happened next?
RJ: Then I went back to bone her, but the mosquitoes were going crazy and she said there was no way.

Tom Tucker: In other news, former president Bill Clinton was in town today to judge Quahog's annual "Miss Cankle USA" contest.
(cuts to pageant, Bill is sitting in the audience, two heavy-set women are on the runway)
Bill Clinton: Now that's a cankle! Where does the calf fat end and the ankle fat begin? Who knows, that's the fun.

Tom Tucker: Some new developments on the Flight 209 trauma. Recently discharged pilot Captain Glenn Quagmire is apparently talking the plane down. Ollie Williams has the story. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: I'm at the wrong airport!
Tom Tucker: Whoops, well thanks Ollie. Coming up, why calling every Asian man you meet Chung King can land an anchorman in hot water.

Family Guy Quotes

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)