Susan: (opens the door to Karl and Edie) Hi! What's going on?
Edie walks in, past Susan, without saying a word
Karl: Edie wants to discuss our littledeception.
Susan: Exactly how ugly is this gonna get?
Edie: (shouts from the other room) How long does it take to shut a door?!

Edie: When naughty children misbehave, they know that they're gonna get punished. Don't they?
Karl: Punished?
Susan: At this point, I'd like to point out that, uh, it was Karl...who proposed.
Edie: Karl, you are gonna throw elaborate wedding.
Karl: Yes, of course, anything baby... How elaborate?
Edie: Well, figure out exactly what it is that you could afford, and triple it! (to Susan) As for you...
Susan: Ok. Now remember, I'm broke.
Edie: I'm well aware of your church mouse status. I don't intend to lift a finger during the planning and execution of this crushingly expensive wedding.
Susan: No. No, of course not. And anything I can do to help, uh, you know, I would, I could help with the engagement party... How's that?
Edie: Well, I wasn't planning on inviting you. But, I will need a
bartender. Oh, oh, and, um, make sure you come in through the back door.

Temptation comes to all of us. Whether we succumb to it or not depends on our ability to recongnize it's disguise. Sometimes it comes in the form of an old flame, flickering back to life. (Shot of Susan sitting by her fireplace, touching her lips) Or a new friend, who can be so much more (Shot of Peter helping Bree sober up with coffee) Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had. And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences. (Shot of Gabrielle and Carlos at their home. Gabby is holding the baby, while Carlos is looking out the window)

Mary Alice

While Lynette is giving her deposition
Mr. Bormanis: Do you consider Mrs. Van De Kamp to have a drinking problem?
Lynette: No.
Mr. Bormanis: Then why did you line empty wine bottles up on her front stoop?
Lynette (chuckles): I was helping Bree with her recycling.
Mr. Bormanis: Do I need to remind you of the potential consequences of perjury?
Lynette: No, you don't. In fact, I hate liars (she looks straight at Andrew).

Karl: And of course, I'll have to tell her you're the one who ruined the surprise.
Susan: You're gonna make me take the hit?
Karl: Yeah...

Bree: Is this Libby's real hair color?
Gabrielle: Yes, it's all natural, from her straight teeth to her C cup. And I know she's athletic because she's a pole dancer, so I really hope that my little girl inherits that as well. No, the athletic gene, not the pole dancing gene.

Gabrielle: These can't be our only choices, Mr. Beale, I mean, come on! Each girl is uglier than the next!
Beale: Look, finding a gorgeous pregnant woman who is willing to give her baby to a couple with a criminal record isn't exactly a walk in the park.

Bree: Well, I'm still appalled that you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme, but you are a guest in my house and guests get sandwiches.
Andrew: You know, if you'd let me go to his office, you wouldn't have to pretend to be nice to him.
Bree: Andrew, there may be a judge out there stupid enough to emancipate you, but until you find him, I retain all my parental rights. One of which is to ground your sorry behind until kingdom come. Mr. Bormanis, nice to see you again, and, um, please don't get crumbs on my carpet.

Bree: Tonight was a very unusual situation. I wish you could've known me when Rex was alive and my kids were young and everything was the way it was supposed to be. I think you really would've liked me so much.
Peter: I like you just fine.
Bree: Really? Because I don't.

Peter: Your son threatened you with repressed memories? Oh, my god, he is seriously twisted. I gotta meet this kid.
Bree: You sound like you're impressed.
Peter: I sorta am. Sounds like you're definitely raising an alpha male.
Bree: I'm raising a monster is what I'm raising. It's no wonder I drink.

Gabrielle: Okay, look, we have to find another mother.
Carlos: Why?
Gabrielle: Okay, this isn't easy to say, so I'm just going to say it, but have you taken a good look at her?
Carlos: Oh my god, are you trying to say that you don't want Deanna's baby because she's plain?
Gabrielle: No! Plain I can handle - Carlos, since that woman has walked into our house the clocks have stopped working!
Carlos: No one can predict what a child is going to look like. For all you know, her kid could end up winning beauty contests.
Gabrielle: With her DNA? The only thing that kid's going to be winning is best in show.

Veronica: If that's not bad enough, now I'm gonna get fat again.
Lynette: Huh?
Veronica: Breast-feeding was the only thing that kept the weight off. Every mealtime was like doing thirty minutes of cardio. Now I'm gonna have to join a gym!
Lynette: Wow, that is really a bummer.
Veronica: It is. It really is.

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Xiao-mei: Here, taste this.
Carlos: Oh, man! Xiao-mei, that is amazing.
Xiao-mei: You like?
Carlos: Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.
Xiao-mei: It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy.
Carlos:I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?
Xiao-mei:One time they make me sick.

Matthew: Mom. Look, I know you're out there. Please, just talk to me. Mom, I need something to drink. Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please. (bangs on the door) Mom! You want me to say I set Caleb up. Yeah, I did it. I started thinking about all those years, years that we had to take care of him and I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life. And I'm sorry. But Mom, you have got to let me out of here, now!
(Betty gets up. With a crowbar, she bangs on the door.)
Betty: You! You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason. It's an unforgivable betrayal! I am so consumed with rage, it's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you!