Brian: It's amazing, Peter. You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together.
Peter: You know what's really amazing? I haven't brushed my teeth in three days, and no-one has said a thing

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And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail. Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shot that I just want to crack you with a cue stick. But I don't because that would be a hate crime and I love you

Peter

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Peter: You told them that we cheat on our taxes, steal lawn mowers, and worship some guy named Stan.
Bonnie: Actually I said Satan. That must have been a typo

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Joe: Peter wanted the trophy the most.
Peter: I couldn't have stolen the trophy. Last night I was stealing Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight.
Lois: Peter!
Peter: What? It's a ladder, he's not gonna use it. That's like taking a watch off a dead guy

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God! Do you people speak every language except english? Yo quiero pancakes! Done ma pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!

Stewie [in foster care]

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[After seeing the social worker give Mrs. Stevens back her baby]
Chris: So this is where babies come from?
Brian: Yes Chris, this is exactly where babies come from.
Chris [to Lois]: You told me I came out of your vagina

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What's that? Oh yeah. I love crack, I'm absolutly coo-coo for crack

Stewie

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Peter [about a handbag]: Oh I love you sweety. What are they like 10 bucks?
Meg: More like eleven...hundred.
Peter: Heh, you wished I loved you that much

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That was then and this is now. And this is a chair. And that's a lamp. And you have boobies. And I'm gonna find that trophy!

Peter

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Peter: Wait a minute! Meg, when did you become a teenager?
Lois: She's 16, Peter.
Peter: You knew about this?

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Old Lady: What a precious little boy.
Meg: That's my ..uh, uh.. son.
Old Lady: Your son? But you're just a baby yourself. Henry, give the little skank a nice tip

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How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

Peter

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