Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.

Peter

There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.

Peter

The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and living a life of bland compromise.

Lois

I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

Cleveland

And once again a Heavy Flow has ruined another lady's evening.

Wrestling Announcer

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

Peter

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?

Lois

Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!

Quagmire

Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire