Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Peter: Ahh crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?
Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card but it said for Peter on it, so you must have thought it was from you so you didn't uh.... you know it's just easier to call you stupid
Peter: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
Bob: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.
Man: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Bob: Well I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humour
By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-a and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins
Stewie
Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk
Lois: Brian, you're not wearing the sweater I made you.
Brian: Well, y'know, it's a little warm in here...
Lois: "Don we now our gay apparel."
Brian: It doesn't get much gayer than this
Brian: You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?
Peter: Can't we tell them your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that!
Peter: Fine, I'll kill your mother. When did Christmas have to get so complicated?
That's about as funny as Sinbad. Not the comedian, he's hilarious, the sailor. Then again, he was never meant to be funny
Peter
Hick Child: Dang it, Buck. It's my turn to use the sex box!
Buck: It's my sex box! And her name is "Sony"
Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight, I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it
Peter
You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk
Peter
Peter: What kind of talk is that? It's un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of his father's friend's money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit-
Joe: I get the message, Peter!
