Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for, Lois
Peter
Peter: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big christmas toy gets a huge bonus!
Chris: Why don't you invent the frisbee, dad? That's an awesome toy!
Meg: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris: Then how come I've never heard of it?
Peter: Look I've had a good life and you can always be proud of your father in all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplishments?
Peter: Go to your room
Death: What did you make this hot chocolate with? Crap?
Lois: If you want me to make you another, just say so.
Death: I just thought you would make it with milk. Instead of crap
Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England
Peter: Woah, woah, woah! Is this the price of my bill or my phone number?
Nurse: Your phone number
Doctor: This doesn't look good, no this doesn't look good at all.
Lois: Oh no.
Doctor: My nephew drew a picture of me. It doesn't look a thing like me. Look at the nose, it's all wrong!
Death: You gotta kill the kids from Dawson's Creek
Peter: I knew it! As soon as that show came on the air I said, "I'm gonna be the one who has to kill 'em."
Lois: It's true, he really said that
Peter: Where did you get that?
Death: It was e-mailed me by your HMO.
Peter: Just because my doctor was hittin' on me, doesn't mean you have to call him names
Lois: Peter, who cares how much it is? You've just got the most important bill of all. A clean bill of health.
Peter: Jeez, Lois. How long have you been waiting to crack out that gem?
Hello, I'm Stewie. Big fan
Stewie [to Death]
Lois: I'm so worried about your father.
Chris: You mean because he's a borderline alcoholic?
Lois: No. Mommy's made peace with that.
Chris: Oh, cause he's got a lump on his booby!
Lois: Chris, that's a terrible word! "Booby."
Meg: Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast, and he turned out okay.
Lois: Really? Who's Debbie Miller?
Meg: A girl I just made up
