Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

Peter

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

Peter

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Peter

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Stewie

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

This family believes in the Easter bunny. He died for our sins in that helicopter crash

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley