Alex: So what're you gonna do in Utah.
Andy: Well, me and my girlfriend haven’t seen each other in a while so we're gonna be like a couple bunny rabbits…
Alex: Wow.
Andy: Hopping all over town.

• Permalink: Hopping all over town.
• Rating: Unrated

You guys exhaust me.

Lily

• Permalink: You guys exhaust me.
• Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Where did she come from?
Mitchell: Because she doesn't look like us? That’s offensive.

• Permalink: Because she doesn't look like us? That’s offensive.
• Rating: Unrated

I think I just broke a nail on a turtle.

Claire

• Permalink: I think I just broke a nail on a turtle.
• Rating: Unrated

Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.

Phil

• Permalink: Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey...
• Rating: Unrated

Half our guests are gay; we're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.

Cam

• Permalink: Half our guests are gay; we're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.
• Rating: Unrated

Mitchell: This is my second favorite suit of yours.
Cam: Second?
Mitchell: Right after your birthday suit.
Cam: Hey! Cut it out, I'm practically a married man.

• Permalink: Hey! Cut it out, I'm practically a married man.
• Rating: Unrated

Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.

Mitchell [to Cam]

• Permalink: Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.
• Rating: Unrated

Cam: Oh my God! It feels like we have one mind and one heart.
Mitchell: And one chair.

• Permalink: And one chair.
• Rating: Unrated

That's the fourth Hawaiian shirt he's lost. I'm telling you this is a Dateline story waiting to happen!

Jay

• Permalink: That's the fourth Hawaiian shirt he's lost. I'm telling you this is a Dateline story waiting...
• Rating: Unrated

You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Phil

• Permalink: You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison...
• Rating: Unrated

Manny: When you first started dating him, what was his nickname for you?
Gloria: Sexy pants.
Manny: Ew. The other one?
Gloria: Bunny.

• Permalink: Bunny.
• Rating: Unrated