Scream Queens Quotes
Look, you're gonna get this, because obviously we're both really handsome. Girls really wanna bone me. Okay? When I die, I've left instructions to grind me up into a fine powder to be given out to underprivileged dudes who have trouble getting laid. Because I'm convinced if they rub my essence on them, they're pretty much guaranteed to get ass.
Chad
Chanel #3: Can I just say, for the record, before we begin, that yoga is just stretching for douchebags?
Cassidy Cascade: Noted.
Oh my god. Did you just make his corpse barf?!
Chanel [to #5]
#5: Wait, how did you get the money?
Chanel: I asked Chad for it. I told him it was for an experimental weapons-grade pube laser that was developed by the Chinese military to give me a permanently stubble-free box. He started writing the check before I even finished that phrase.
Back off Chanel and back off me. This hand is capable of a lot more than playing squash.
Dr. Holt
Do you know the number one lesson you learn as a top FBI cadet? Trust your instincts. And do you know what my instincts told me the first time I laid eyes on that Zayday Williams? I was like, "This bitch right here is a stone cold ho."
Denise
Denise Hemphill: This is what I learned at Quantico and by watching movies about Quantico -- ooh! -- and from the hit TV show Quantico, now in its thrilling second season. Here's the thing: If you wanna catch a killer, you got to get inside the mind of a killer. Or, in Zayday's case, underneath the weave of a killer. And I know just the right person who can help us do it.
Oh, come on! You've gotta be kidding me. From now on, when someone has just fought off the killer and they're about to reach down and pull off the mask and find out who it is -- not the time to distract them with a bunch of questions!
Munsch
Did I tell you I started a band? I'm the lead singer. Frontman. It's called Gold Plated Nut Sack.
Chad
It wasn't funny when you snuck into the insane asylum in the middle of the night and scared me in my bed, and it's not funny now.
Chanel
I look like I'm wrapped in infected bubble wrap.
Tyler
Dr. Holt: What are you doing?
Chad: Uh, showering. My third of the day. I like to stay extra fresh just in case emergency sex pops up.
