Superstore
Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBCSuperstore Quotes
Jonah: You good, Glenn?
Glenn: No, I'm not good! Tell me, how do you think he removed them? Do you think maybe they just fell off like acorns?
Jonah: You know what, buddy? Maybe.
Glenn: Mr. Anderson is not your typical heartless businessman. My father had a hardware store, Sturgis & Sons, and Cloud 9 undersold us and put us out of business, but my dad said that you were always a gentleman about it; even took him out to dinner on the night that the store closed for good!
Marcus: Wow, mensch alert!
Jonah: I'm sorry, did we not hear the “put him out of business” part?
Cheyenne: Lowell was just saying that he wants the store to be more “hands-on,” and I just worry that his ideas might be slightly fully wack.
Glenn: Okay, look. Lowell's methods may seem strange, but that's because we're not on his level intellectually. I mean, this morning, I watched a squirrel unwrap a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for an hour.
Cheyenne: Glenn, you have to get TikTok. That's like, literally all it is.
You have really bad ideas, alright? You're not a genius; you're just a rick dick!
Cheyenne
Lowell: Glenn, I'm gonna tell you something painful, but you need to know. I didn't exactly buy your dad dinner that night. Truth is, that night I offered your dad a chance to save his store. I told him I'd stop underselling him if he could prove he could run with the big dogs by eating a can of dog food. It was very funny.
Glenn: What's the funny part?
Lowell: Well, he ate the dog food, and I closed his store anyway. I mean, you get it?
Glenn: I can see why Dad changed some details about that evening.
Lowell: Glenn, there are two kinds of people in this world. Weak people who eat dog food, and strong people who make them eat it. Now, what kind are you?
Glenn: Are we sure there's just the two?
Sandra: What matters is that Amy's single. Now here's the plan. You're gonna call Amy and say you want one last special night together. But here's what she doesn't know: I'm gonna poke a hole in the condom --
Jonah: What?! No! This isn't -- no! No. I'm over Amy, okay? And I'm with Hannah now.
Sandra: Then what the fuck have we been doing all day?!
That's the thing; I'm not better than the work. I'm a shadow person, and I like it!
Sandra
Cheyenne: I was calling you guys for a while. Where were you?
Jonah: Uh, well, we were on a break because we deserved one today.
Garrett: Hey, guys, there's a bunch of water in the hallway.
Dina: Yeah, we're aware.
Cheyenne: IT'S PEE-PEE WATER, YOU CAN GET HEP!
Garrett: Ew.
Mateo: Oh my god!
Dina: No one is going to get hepatitis! I am almost sure of it!
Sandra: Hey. Don't get down on yourself. So, we got put in the back. It doesn't mean we're worthless.
Jonah: No, I know, you're right, I just --
Sandra: It just means we're back-of-house people. Strong, silent, shadow people. The rejects. The freaks.
This wouldn't be happening if the customers could see my whole face. You know, the top half raises questions, but the bottom half answers them all.
Jonah
Cheyenne: Wait, so what kind of problems are we supposed to be making for the customers? Like, you guys are out of cheese problems, or, oh my god, my baby was stolen problems?
Mateo: So we're supposed to stash a bunch of stolen babies in the back? Gross. Well, actually, I don't think it's that gross. Wait, do I want kids?
