Keeley, a good mentor hopes you move on. A great mentor knows you will.

Higgins

And the joy is back at Nelson Road.

Arlo

Rebecca: I agree, concentrate on the task at hand, beating Brentford.
Higgins: Yes, because if we lose, it will kill me. Please don't lose Ted, I beg you.

Yeah, instead of beating him beating him to death, I f**king forgave him. I'm still f**king furious about it.

Roy

Beard: Your eyebrows aren't crazy.
Roy: Thank you.
Beard: They're psychotic.

Do you know how hard it is to get grown men to learn choreography?

Where are we at with cloning these days, by the way? Them Scottish folks have been quiet on that front for a while, which means we gotta be close, right?

Rebecca: Now we're in a bit of a limbo situation.
Ted: Great party game, horrible relationship status.

Keeley: Roy, if you died, do you want to be buried or cremated? Like, if you were hit by a bus today, what do I do?
Roy: Go after bus driver and make him pay for what he did to me. Avenge me, Keeley, avenge me!

Beard: You know, if you weigh a person's body right after death, it's 21.3 grams lighter. Some say that's the weight of a soul.
Roy: Whoever figured that out clearly weighed someone, murdered them, then weighed them again. You live; you die; you're done. End of story. Good night.

Deborah: What a chubby baby.
Rebecca: Congratulations, mother, you just fat shamed a baby to tears.

Dani: I hate these shoes so much, Jamie.
Jamie: I know, muchacho; cause remember, they ain't made for people like us. They're made for sheep. They're made for Muggles. They're made for t**ts.
Dani: When I get home, I will set them on fire, and their memory will burn in hell.
Jamie: Jesus, Dani.
Dani: Jesus has no place in the conversation of these damned shoes.

Ted Lasso Quotes

You deserve someone who makes you feel like you've been struck by lightning. Don't you dare settle for fine.

Roy

Hey, takin' on a challenge is a lot like ridin' a horse. If you're comfortable while you're doin' it, you're probably doin' it wrong.

Ted