Rebecca: I've decided to sell the club. If you go, I go.
Ted: Hmm.
Rebecca: There is another option. We both stay. I respect that you need to go home to your son, Ted. But I just want you to consider the possibility that this is your home. Henry can come and live here and go to one of the best schools in the world and enjoy the life-changing experience of being in another country. Michelle can come here and teach, get fully qualified and go home as a department head. Higgins has said, if I sell 49% of the team, I can afford to make you one of the highest-paid coaches in the league. I know people will say I'm crazy, but... I still think I'd be underpaying you for what you mean to this club. Would you please stay? This is the part when you say you need to sleep on it and I say, "Oh, yes, of course." And then we do exactly the same thing tomorrow.

Roy: Real talk, man. Thank you. And look, I know you've got a lot of feelings for Keeley. I just hope none of that shit ever gets in the way of our friendship.
Jamie: Yeah. No, yeah, me too, yeah.
Roy: Good. That's good. 'Cause me and Keeley started talking again.
Jamie: Oh, yeah?
Roy: Yeah. Just easing into it. But she is a woman, so you never know, right? Jamie: Hmm. It's nothing official between the two of you?
Roy: Well... No, but it's happening. I wanted you to know 'cause I don't want you to get hurt, so... I think it's best if you just step aside.
Jamie: No.
Roy: What the fսck do you mean, "no"?
Jamie: I mean, if the two of you ain't official, then I ain't steppin' aside.
Roy: Why not?
Jamie: 'Cause I know in my heart that me and Keeley are meant to be together.
Roy: Fսck off. You're a child.
Jamie: You fսck off. You're a hairy old prune. Don't forget, I was with her first.
Roy: Yeah, well, I was with her last.
Jamie: It's been a year, mate.
Roy: It's been a month, mate.
Jamie: That video of her that got leaked, she made that for me.

Beard: Coach, is this nuts? Us leaving like this?
Ted: I mean, we almost won the whole frigging thing, you know? Saying goodbye to a bunch of nice folks. And I know I've finally accepted that air conditioning is a privilege and not a right. I don't know. What do you think?
Beard: I can't do this. I don't wanna go, Ted. I'm in love with Jane. I wanna stay, and I don't wanna let you down. But with your permission, I'd love to run off this plane and into her arms.
Ted: Well, I mean, what about your luggage?
Beard: Forget my luggage. It's full of rice.
Ted: What? Why?
Beard: I haven't slept for three days, man.
Ted: Okay.
Beard: I'm sorry, you know. I've been dreading this. Talking to you. Abandoning you.
Ted: What?
Beard: No, no, no, hold on, Coach.
Ted: You ain't abandoning me, okay? You're just following your heart. I get it. And, yeah, you should go. But look, man, I don't think they're gonna let you off this plane with that door already shut.
Beard: I have a plan.
Ted: Of course you do. Okay. What do you need me to do?
Beard: Whatever's about to happen, that's a great start. I love you, Ted.
Ted: I love you too, Willis.

Ted: Boss don't want to talk about it yet.
Rebecca: It's not that I refuse to talk about you going home, Ted. It's that I refuse to accept that you are not coming back.
Ted: God. Boss. I'm right there with you.

Jane: Oh, Rebecca, I hope you don't mind. I went through your wardrobe and borrowed this dress.
Rebecca: Oh, it's a blazer. But, yes, yes. Help yourself.

Ted: Morning, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Morning, Ted.
Ted: Hi. Yeah. Um... Um... So, do you, um... You know, do you want to talk about it?
Ted: MmmI'm not really ready to talk about it yet.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm. Okay.

Ted: Hey, Ms. Barnaby. Rough night?
Ms. Barnaby: Ted, if it's not rough, it isn't fun.

Isaac: Can I have 75 kebabs to go?
Nate: Uh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, of course. Um, chicken, pork or lamb? Or 25 of each?
Isaac: Nate the Great.

Nate: Don't think the cleaners actually cleaned the floor.
Jade: There are no cleaners.
Nate: So, why do we put the chairs on the tables?
Jade: The patriarchy.
Nate: Oh, okay. Oh, well. I'll just, um... Just go get a broom.

Ted: Hey, Boss.
Rebecca: Oh. Hello, Ted. Do you know this John Wooden?
Ted: No, ma'am. Never had the chance to meet him.
Rebecca: Oh, pity.
Ted: I like this.
Rebecca: Ah, I mean, if you don't like that, you don't like ice cream.
Ted: What's up?
Rebecca: Do you know what time it is?
Ted: Uh, 9:30. Or half nine as you folks say over here for some goofy-ass reason.
Rebecca: That's just to annoy Americans. Yeah. No, this is that time of year when I come down here and reveal something to you.
Ted: Oh, snap. That's right. Okay. Well, here we go. Uh, you know what? Maybe I should guess this year.
Rebecca: No, no, no, that's silly.
Ted: Yeah. No, you just go ahead and tell me. Go on, let 'er rip.
Rebecca: I've got nothing. Oh, I really tried as well. I mean, even on the walk over here, I was thinking something would pop into my head, but nope. Absolutely nothing. Sorry, Ted. No truth bomb this year.
Ted: Well, that's okay. I got one.

Rebecca: Is this a fսcking joke?
Akufo: Excuse me?
Rebecca: What do you think you're doing? Just stop it! I mean, how much more money do any of you really need? Why would you ever consider taking something away from people that means so much to them? This isn't a game. Football isn't just a game.

Barbara: Would you mind loosening your grip? 'Cause I need to get the receipt so you can reimburse me.
Keeley: Thank you.

Ted Lasso Quotes

Hey, takin' on a challenge is a lot like ridin' a horse. If you're comfortable while you're doin' it, you're probably doin' it wrong.


George: I love what you done with the place. Did you do it yourself, or did you get some pouf to help ya?
Rebecca: I could ask the same of your hair.