Ted Lasso
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Ted Lasso Quotes
Shandy: Anyway, good news. Bantr's trending.
Keeley: It is?
Shandy: Yeah. Pretty sure the change to the bio line helped.
Keeley: What are you talking about? Who did this?
Shandy: I did. This afternoon, when I uploaded the vids. You're welcome.
Keeley: Shandy.
Shandy: Yeah.
Keeley: This... This is the opposite of what Bantr is trying to do.
Shandy: Are you joking? They're gonna love it. I've literally tripled their subscribers in an hour.
Keeley: You need to change this back, now. Please.
Rebecca: Oh, listen to what Rupert said in this one. "I truly look forward to seeing my old club again. Richmond are top-class."
Keeley: Ugh, what a soggy, wet piece of shit.
Rebecca: Thank you.
Shandy: Hi. Hello.
Zava: Hi.
Shandy: Hi.
Shandy: Hello. I'm Shandy. I do PR for the club. It's so great you've come down here, but don't be a dick. Show some love on your socials, yeah?
Zava: I like your confident energy. It's off-putting.
Shandy: Thank you.
Zava: You're welcome.
The Richmond faithful return to their beloved Dogtrack for the first time this Premier League season, and surely when they see the name Zava on the team sheet, they'll think they've died and gone to heaven.
Arlo
Keeley: So, boys, exciting stuff. We've got a lot of interview requests coming in for all of you.
Sam: I'd love to get the word out about the restaurant.
Keeley: Well, right now the press would like to focus on Zava joining the team.
Sam: Oh. Yeah, okay.
Psychic: I can see something. It's in your hand. An object. It's very special. Is it a bowl? It's a green matchbook.
Rebecca: Sorry, it's what?
Psychic: A green matchbook. How lovely.
Rebecca: Sorry, who cares about a green matchbook?
Psychic: Now I can hear something.
Rebecca: Oh, for God's sake.
I am a strong and capable man.
Colin
Colin: Morning.
Michael: Morning. Made you some coffee.
Colin: Oh, I don't do caffeine.
Michael: Right. Your body is a temple.
Colin: Well, I don't know about that. More like a church in an airport.
Michael: Big day for Richmond.
Colin: Thought you didn't know anything about football.
Michael: Oh, I don't. But I know who Zava is. Of course.
Colin: Text me when you get back from Dubai? Safe flight.
Michael: Thanks. Safe driving.
Keeley: Barbara, I would love for you to meet Shandy. She's the newest member of KJPR.
Barbara: Oh. Um, what position has she been hired for?
Keeley: She will be consulting for affiliate management and... client relationships. Yeah.
Barbara: Okay. Would you have a-a seat, uh, Shandy? Shandy, is it?
Shandy: Yeah.
Barbara: Yeah, just put it in there. Put the sweet in there. I'd love to know what experience you have in these areas.
Shandy: Uh, in relationships, tons. The rest of it, not much.
Barbara: And where did you go to university?
Shandy: I didn't go university.
Barbara: Didn't go?
Shandy: No.
Barbara: Okay. And what were you doing right before this?
Shandy: I was modeling.
Barbara: Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy. All right. I think I've got it. So you've hired a former model with no previous experience, no higher education for a job that doesn't exist. Lovely. Well, welcome to the team, Shandy.
You are such a fսcking chickenshit. I mean, if you were great, truly great, you could play anywhere. But instead, you choose a club like West Ham, because it's big and shiny, and you know that they'll win whether you're there or not. And you'll never have to wonder if you're still as good as you tell everyone you are. But you and I know that you're not. You're overrated. You're overpaid. And you eat too much fսcking asparagus.
Rebecca
Rebecca: You know, Rupert, I was a little bit surprised when you bought West Ham. I always thought that Richmond was your one true love.
Rupert: Oh. Guess I'm just like any man. Just get bored with the same old, same old.
Roy: Who told you that?
Jamie: No one. I use body science. Why? Is it true?
Roy: Hmm. What's that fսcking face?
Jamie: It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart. Look, as someone who's been dumped by Keeley, I get it.
Roy: She didn't dump me.
Jamie: You dumped her? Why?
Roy: I don't want to talk about it. Why'd you come in here? Oh, let me guess. You want to know if it's okay to ask her out, right?
Jamie: No, I was just, I was just seeing if you were okay, man.
