Ted Lasso
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Ted Lasso Quotes
Isaac: Whoa. Keeley and Roy have broken up.
Jamie: What? Who told you that?
Isaac: It's not "who," bruv. It's "what." Kinesics. Study of body language. Just look at 'em. No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms. Roy's clenched arse. It's science.
Keeley: Oh, and I found out why I got such a good deal on this place.
Rebecca: Oh, I love a bit of corporate real estate scuttlebutt.
Keeley: That. Yeah. So, the previous tenants, they had to break the lease because the boss kept getting caught pinching his employees' butts all the time.
Rebecca: Oh, well. One man's grope is another woman's gain.
Keeley: I feel so much better.
Rebecca: Crying is the best, isn't it? It's like an оrgasm for the soul. Oh. You know, in the last three years married to Rupert, I don't think I cried once about anything. Not even a John Lewis Christmas commercial.
Keeley: Oh, I'm really sorry again about your blouse.
Rebecca: What are you talking about? It's barely noticeable.
I understand. I just don't think Ms. Welton will have a whole lot to say about the unfair advantage of being a female owner in sports. Thank you. f--k you, Joe Rogan.
Keeley
Sharon: So, how did the drop-off go?
Ted: For me or for him? 'Cause I think those are two very different answers. But no, I'm fine, I think. I don't know. I just feel kinda guilty about the little guy flying all by himself again, you know?
Sharon: I understand, Ted. But children are resilient. And a sense of autonomy at Henry's age is good for him.
Ted: No, I know. That's true. I remember being left at school when I was Henry's age. I ended up helping our custodian, Mr. Maher, clean half the school until my dad remembered to come pick me up. He gave Mr. Maher cash for babysitting me. I showed up to school the next day and Mr. Maher gave me the money as payment for the work I'd done. So then I used that money to buy him a thank-you gift, but never got the chance to give it to him, 'cause, well, he ended up getting hit by a train.
Sharon: Oh, wow. I didn't see that coming.
Ted: Yeah, well, neither did Mr. Maher.
Ted: Sorry about that. We got distracted. Little guy was trying to unlock Princess Peach on Super Smash Bros.
Airport worker: Totally understand. I once held an entire flight to Sydney hostage until I finished the final level of Breath of the Wild.
Ted: Hmm. Feels like a potentially troublesome sentence to say in this setting, but, hey, I appreciate you.
Keeley, a good mentor hopes you move on. A great mentor knows you will.
Higgins
Yeah, instead of beating him beating him to death, I f**king forgave him. I'm still f**king furious about it.
Roy
And the joy is back at Nelson Road.
Arlo
Rebecca: I agree, concentrate on the task at hand, beating Brentford.
Higgins: Yes, because if we lose, it will kill me. Please don't lose Ted, I beg you.
Beard: Your eyebrows aren't crazy.
Roy: Thank you.
Beard: They're psychotic.
Rebecca: Now we're in a bit of a limbo situation.
Ted: Great party game, horrible relationship status.
