Ted Lasso
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Ted Lasso Quotes
Ted: How is that not offside?
Beard: Because he was only passively offside.
Ted: I don't get this frigging rule, still.
Bumbercatch: Isaac is an artist with those clippers.
Colin: He only gives you one haircut per season. You try to save that for a very special occasion.
Dani: I'm not using mine until I'm married. Or I get circumcised.
Keeley: I did also need some space.
Ted: Space from what?
Keeley: Roy. He's sitting in my office reading Da Vinci Code. He keeps muttering on about the Knights Templar.
Sharon: Well, I can't be your mentor without occasionally being your tormentor.
Ted: Ooh, I like that.
Sharon: I knew you would.
Ted, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Sharon
Nate: You see, Jamie and Dani are like Picasso and Gauguin.
Colin: Pedophiles?
Nate: Artists, they're artists. And, Colin, you paint too, but your work doesn't end up in museums. It hangs at ... Well, you're like a painting at a Holiday Inn. You don't inspire. You don't move people. You're there. You cover a bloodstain. You do the job, so just do the job.
Jamie: I'm trying to build bridges here.
Roy: You couldn't f**king build Jeff Bridges.
Look, let me ask you one question. You're a great man. Does Jane make you greater?
Higgins
Ted: Roy, you're not gonna like this. But right now, Jamie here is being the mature one.
Jamie: It's true. I'm being super mature, you big dumb, hairy, baby t**t.
Boy, I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts.
Nate: What's Isaac need?
Ted: Well, I have no idea. No, usually in this situation, I'd have the player talk to the team captain before I intervened.
Nate: Isaac's our captain.
Ted: Exactly, I can't very well ask Isaac to pull himself aside. That would be dangerously close to messing with the ... What's it called?
Nate: The Dark Arts?
Ted: No.
Beard: The space-time continuum.
Ted: That's it, yeah.
Ted: Hey, look, Roy, if you enjoy doing the whole pundit thing then by all means you should do it for the rest of your life.
Roy: Why won't you let me be happy?
